Dear World, Your Reasons For Not Getting Married Young Are Shot

Yes, that's right. The world's reasons for not getting married "young" are fairly bogus. At least most of them. (Disclaimer: There is "young" and then there is "too young." I'm not going to tell you where I draw the line, but there is a definite line.) 

*+*Shoutout to those who were not married young at the end of this post!*+*

At 22, about a month away from 23, I got married. By world standards, that's pretty young. Even now, looking back, I think "Whoa, that WAS a little young." But you know what? I didn't feel "young." Amongst other big experiences in life, I was already graduated from college. A fresh graduate, yes, but a graduate nonetheless. I felt ready for life and that's what mattered.

I hear lots of reasons for why people don't want to get married until they're at least _____ (fill in the blank). Traveling, career, not achieving important goals, the need to play the field so you know exactly who's and what's right for you, finances, etc. You get the idea. Well, I'll tell you firsthand why all of those things are baloney. 

Let's start with career and goals, as this next statement covers a lot of ground: If you're marrying someone who is impeding your dreams, then you should probably think twice about marrying that person. Marriage is all about sacrifice, but sacrifice isn't a bad word. Sacrifice also shouldn't be coming from just one partner. When you're married, there may very well be times when you have to sacrifice a career development or goal, but it's for the betterment of your family. Becoming a better person is more important than climbing society's view of the ladder of success. I would rather sacrifice a few things that help my family in the long run than be selfish. (Career building is not necessarily selfish, either. Please don't use that as a takeaway.) Marrying young doesn't equal never achieving dreams or success. It also doesn't equal not being able to find a companion who supports these. I found one who lets me do my dreams. Guess what? I let him do his dreams, too. And we even do some dreams together. 

The next topic I shall briefly cover is "playing the field." There's probably a better term that fits what I'm trying to say, but I'm not as linguistically apt as my older brother, and I'm okay with that, so we've just gotta deal with it. Um, last time I checked, I knew what I wanted LONG before I ever got married, or even started dating my now husband. I'm pretty sure most twenty-somethings know what they want. So that excuse flew out the window before it was even completely spoken. The reason why I stuck out dating with Mr. Wong is because he had those attributes and more. And I just read a stupid article stating that marriage stops your development in a way. (It was completely opinion based-no sciences were quoted.) WRONG. It can develop you more, if you let it. Two heads to solve a problem is better than one. (Also, see above. If the person is stopping you from developing, then that can potentially be a problem.) . Moving on... If you love the person you're with, and that person generally has it together, then I don't think it's necessary to go fishing to see what else is out there. "Choose your love, love your choice." (That quote has nothing to do with age.) Newsflash: There is NO perfect spouse. There is no soulmate. If you have someone in your life (girlfriend/boyfriend) that you know well and love, then build a life with them!

Financial stability... This topic is a little trickier than most. As I said, I was a fresh graduate when I got married. Tommy went to school later than the traditional student, so his first year was my last. I had a little bit of student debt and no job lined up when we were married. But things worked out in our favor (I got a job and other such things), and I think this was because we made a choice and went with it. Now, if you don't have the means to support a family (you+one AT LEAST), then that makes more of a problem. But if you plus your lover make enough to support your life together, then don't worry about the "what-ifs." 

I saved the best for last. Traveling. I love traveling. While I was single, I was saving up for a trip that I could go on as my post-graduation trip. I was planning on Hong Kong and maybe one or two extra places. And I figured once I started working as a professional, I would be able to save up and go somewhere every couple of years. Well, I got married right after I graduated. The money I saved up? It paid for a 5 day honeymoon. We flew there, rented a car, stayed in a condo, etc. Don't tell me that's not traveling! ;) That Christmas, my mom wanted us to be together, so she paid for us to come to Washington. During that break, Tommy, some of my sisters, and I drove to Canada and had a day trip there. Two years later, we were in Hong Kong for two weeks. We had a long layover in Japan, so we visited Japan, too. A year and a few months later, we were back in good old Hong Kong.  Had a long layover in Korea this time, so we visited Korea for a day. I am NOT trying to brag to you or anyone else about my world travels. I am simply refuting the point that traveling is impossible once you're married. I've traveled more since I've been married. (And planning on more trips, as I type.) Traveling is possible as a married individual. It is also really fun to travel with your spouse. Experiencing new things together, or watching your spouse experience something new to him/her is a priceless feeling. It's also great for your relationship.

Now, to the married-laters and unmarrieds in life, YOU'RE NOT BROKEN!!!!! (Well, at least probably not.) I love and know plenty of people in similar situations, and I think all of them are great. They are also contributing members of society. So, I just want to say to you guys, you do you. And keep doing you. Maybe you'll find the cracker to your cheese, and maybe you won't. But all-in-all, marriage isn't what makes us important or not important. Marriage doesn't and shouldn't define our worth. Ignore those people (as best as you can, I know it's hard) who make comments about your non-existent marriage/love life/ dating life, because I'm sitting here thinking of a few of you that I really admire, and I know those comments are just comments. I know how awesome you are and wish I were that awesome myself. You've done hard things in life and you did them by yourself or with the support of friends and family, but without a spouse. And that's pretty applaudable. 

To the people telling others to not get married young/have kids/not have kids/ not get married at all, just please stop. It's obnoxious. We're not mad, but now you know. (Why I'm writing this, I do not know, as those people are probably never going to read this. Haha. Oh well. I can amuse myself if I want to.)

Reactive

I have been noticing it for awhile.
And maybe it's because I'm an adult, so I see more things, but I don't think so. I had a chat with my husband about it and he agrees. (He even repeated something I said, but when thinking about it on his own and not even realizing/remembering what I said.)
We are living in a reactive society. I think the more instantaneous things become, the more reactivity happens. I know the internet didn't create this problem, but it certainly extended it and amplified it. Social media, comment boxes on news websites or youtube, and things of the like are the biggest culprits. People see and they just respond. There is hardly any thinking in between, not to mention peoples' feelings seem to not matter on the internet, where you can say anything without a major consequence. (How do you think cyberbullying got to be so big and rampant?)
The following is an example of the scenarios I am talking about:
Person posts something controversial on Facebook or Twitter. (Or maybe it's not actually controversial, but they think it is, and they are possibly making a big deal out of it.)
Then it gets shared, both supports and rebuttals in every form get shared, and things are just generally blown out of proportion, feelings are hurt, people get mad at each other for either supporting said controversy or not supporting it, thus taking a while until the whole internet sweep is finished and things blow over. And sometimes things randomly pop up about it again. (Baited headlines do not help this situation one bit- neutral headlines do a little bit more, I think.)
Here is the issue: people need to stop and think about it. Yes, maybe something that was said or done is something you agree with, or maybe it's something you disagree with. I am blessed with the ability to look at almost any situation and see it from different sides/viewpoints. I know that this is an attribute that not everyone is born with, but I also know that it can be developed by deliberately asking questions about different viewpoints that may be involved. For example:
Why was this decision made by this party?
Why did this person say this?
Is there more to this issue than what I can see?
Is there someone I know who is an expert in this and can explain it better/help me see other possible sides to this?
Who is this life changing for? (By the way, if it truly isn't life changing for anyone, it's probably best to ignore and keep scrolling.)
What can the repercussions be?
When will this still matter?
Does this affect daily life? How much? Does it really matter in the end?

I am more than fairly certain that if these questions and/or similar ones were asked (there are many more that can be) by the majority of the people tinkering around on the internet, this world would be in a much better state and condition than the one we're currently in. You don't have to agree with or even like people to still be civil with them. But I think when more understanding is intentionally applied to situations, there is more love and support spread, less negativity is shared, and our thinking extends into higher planes.
Here is an illustration of Bloom's Taxonomy, which moves from bottom to top. The picture was taken from here.

 Higher order of thinking

Lower order of thinking

So, to end, I just ask you to apply more understanding to all situations, and apply a little more acceptance to people who don't think the same way you do. Spread a little bit of love around. The world needs it. And as my mom always says, "Stop making mountains out of molehills." 

Soul Searching...

I have been having some revelations of sorts these past two weeks. For the first time in a very long time, I have felt a lot more at peace with coming to these understandings and realizations about my career, which identifies me not only as who I am, but also my role in life.

I absolutely love teaching. It's so fun watching kids' lightbulbs turn on, master things, get excited, make friendships, and generally develop as human beings. While this is nowhere near a comprehensive list, most teachers will be nodding their heads in agreement. After all, these are just some of the few reasons why people become teachers and educators in the first place. They want to make a difference in the lives of children. Many feel that being a teacher is their "calling in life," and I'm one of them.

Unfortunately, being a teacher has taken a tumble for the worst in the past years, and I have watched it before my very eyes. Teachers in every state in the US are being asked, even required, to take on the most taxing tasks. Many good-hearted and well-meaning teachers take on even more than these to benefit the lives of the students, parents, the surrounding community, other teachers, and so forth. Honestly, I do not know of ONE teacher that does not go above and beyond all professional and contractual duties as outlined. Not one. Not even the "bad" ones. I've seen them go above and beyond, too. This is with time, money, brains, lack of sleep, continually trying to figuring out what to do with a student or several who may be suffering from one difficulty or many, talents, and the list goes on. While this is not always a bad thing, like I said previously, it's very taxing. But on top of all of this normal "call of duty," there are things required by school districts or legislatures that are harming teachers as they slop more on their plates, which is a very long list, and I don't care to or find necessary to discuss in great detail at this point. Just know that they get to be both cumbersome and burdensome.

If you compare the length of the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs, you will easily notice that the scales are already tipped out of the teachers' favors. It's becoming more and more this way, as well.

These feelings of frustration really resonate with teachers (at least me, and some others I know, as well) when they are stressed to the max. There are comics about teachers being overworked, and underpaid. And when these feelings resonate with you, you start questioning them. Especially when you hear all the seasoned teachers talk about the ridiculousness that's pouring through the cracks. (And venting to other teachers is a stress-reliever in itself, so LOTS of this talk goes on.)
How can you be a good teacher when so much energy is being sucked out of you by the demands of your job? (It's hard. Teachers lose it sometimes. Can't always blame them.)  When you feel vulnerable, you think about these vulnerabilities later.

So far, my time in the "chokey" has been quite meager compared to many others, although this is not by choice. It's been almost a year since I've taught (aside from a few sub jobs this spring, which I found out is not my favorite- I guess I like control of the reigns), due to the fact that we've moved to two states in a matter of about 6 months. I did get licensed in both states, and even had interviews, but I didn't get the jobs.
Since I've had about 10 months to sit and reflect upon teaching, I have forged a long journey, without even knowing it, maybe even until now, and no doubt it will continue. As I sit back and reflect, I'm amazed at what changes have occurred.

I am fairly certain that all majors in college/university are fed a little bit or a lot of "propaganda" to encourage positive feelings and promote the benefit of society. All jobs are important to society, even  (and maybe especially) if we don't know they're going on. Apparently I am especially susceptible to said propaganda, given my feelings of guilt toward the thought if I ever leave teaching. (That's not a joke. The things we learn about ourselves.) Then there's the fact that I'm a "people pleaser," and the other fact that "teaching runs in the family." (That's a saying among many teachers, and it runs true on both sides.) So basically, if I ever seriously considered leaving the teaching field and going into something else, I'd have strong feelings of guilt, letting people down (including those who don't even know me, probably), knowing how poorly people think of me, and the fact that despite everything I tried to do to avoid it, now I'm a "statistic."  Oh, and I completely turned my back on my calling in life. (Now what am I going to be good at? I will never excel at anything. Did I let God down?) Plus there are all of these stories about professional_____-turned-teacher.

As you can see, I might need to work a little bit on the positive vs. negative self-talk and over-active imagination.  (At least I minored in psychology, so that I can be fully aware of these things.)

We are all statistics for about a mazillion things, so this is one hurdle that I only identify with because it feels personal. This, I think, I can get over. Eventually. Given the amount of time I've had away from teaching, I have explored these confused feelings a lot more than while I was teaching. (You might self-destruct as a teacher if you entertain these for too long- remember how much stress I said is involved? You'd be a ticking time bomb.) So, back to exploring these feelings and ideas about what would happen if I "left" teaching?  This time has been good for me to do some soul searching. I don't have kids yet, but when I do, being a full-time teacher will interfere with our family life at times. That's a given. And I REALLY don't want that to happen. There will be times when I have to do report cards or finish writing some type of report or another when my kids would rather go to the swimming pool as a family. Or I have to stay at school until 8:00 PM three days in a row and my kids don't get to see me before they go to bed. There are countless possibilities- just ask another teacher. That is my first concern. My second concern is how much it takes away from my quality of life (due to being overworked and high "stresshold") as a human being, social creature, and family-oriented woman. And I only fear it's going to get worse. Sometimes my mom, who is also an elementary teacher, declares "I'm too old for this." (Which, technically, she is, given the fact that her youngest child is 14.) My third is a fear of betraying myself and others if I do leave.

I often tell people that maybe they probably shouldn't go into teaching because it's pretty bad right now and it's only going to get worse. I also think that in order for it to be better, a lot of teachers are going to have to leave/not enter the teaching field. And do I REALLY want to be one of THOSE people? After all, I do absolutely love teaching. Just not all the other crap that comes with it.

Last week, I came to a conclusion that ultimately, whatever I do, the most important thing is supporting my family in the best way possible. That means taking care of myself, husband, and future children mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and monetarily if necessary. If I do this, I will not be letting anyone down. No matter what I do, I will still be a valued daughter of God who is an asset to society. This was a breakthrough for me!!!! Although this was a breakthrough, I wasn't resolute in this feeling yet, and still kept going back and forth a little bit.

This week, someone I graduated with posted something on Facebook about a teacher with a PhD who decided to resign from teaching soon after her daughter was born. It was in these moments that everything aligned for her to see clearly (and I'm guessing she'll probably be homeschooling her daughter and subsequent children, if there are any- just a guess, though). As I read the article and resignation letter and commented on it, my own focus came a little clearer, backing up the feelings I initially had last week. Then another thing was posted relating to football. A comment with the posting made mention that loyalty in any profession doesn't pay. As I read that comment, the logic in the statement that the same for any profession is true hit me. And I scrolled past, but I went back to the article. I didn't have to read very far to get the full message I've been missing for so long in my own life. The article reports that Deion Sanders made two statements. 1-) "It's hard for me to fathom that I gotta be loyal to you, when you're not loyal to me." 2-) "I can't love nothin' that can't love me back."

I'm not saying I am full out hands down leaving the teaching profession here. I haven't made that decision yet. However, I am now open to the possibility of other career paths that may allow me to maintain my family (including myself) in a more healthy manner. And I'm in a good place where I have both options available. I'm currently looking for work and licensed to teach in my current state, but since I don't have a job, I can pretty much look in many areas. Also, I'm not even really considering homeschooling (I don't think that's necessary given that I don't have children, and other reasons, too). But I can still be me by doing other things. And for a while I've been pondering the idea of doing graduate work in School Psychology. (Again, working at a school, or having a higher workload, but more opportunities in other places as well, and higher pay. Plus, I think this is beneficial to my once again mentioned future children.) I am really happy with this realization that I can do whatever I want to do, even though I still went to university, graduated, and started my career.

There's probably more I can say, but I think here is a good place to leave it unless there are a thousand questions people ask me. Which does not usually happen since I'm not a famous blogger and probably most people won't read through this whole thing. So, I'll let you read other articles now (like the ones I mentioned, if you feel like it). And watch the video I'm including, because it's a good one, too.

Link to article about PhD teacher resigning. Make sure to read the actual facebook post. (I actually read it from a different site, but I feel that this source is less likely to be mangled with in the age of ever-changing online internetting stuff, ie get taken down or deleted for some reason.)
Link to "Loyalty Doesn't Pay." (The one about Football...)

Toddler marriage

No, my marriage isn't in trouble. Nowhere near trouble.
I just want to be real for a minute.
I am starting to think that my marriage (maybe all marriages?) reflects the age of a person according to how long I've been married. Maybe it's just me, too. Since we hit our 3 year mark in June, my theory is that we are in the toddler/preschool years of marriage; here is a brief synopsis;
Year 1: Definitely not without its ups and downs, but blissful and cherished greatly for what its worth.
Year 2: Gaining autonomy. Feeling more okay to be separated while at work (independence), but still clingy at times. Do more things with friends.
Year 3: So challenging. (Everyone says three year olds can be worse than two year olds). I have become quite outspoken about things and want everything to fit the perfection envisioned in my mind. Which happens about 6% of the time. So lots of frustration and a husband who hears lots of words about how to do things better.
Year 4: Still working on this one. Seems more able to verbally communicate ideas even though the desire of telepathy (only for certain things) has not left.

Okay, but here is the real deal. Sometimes I feel like a horrible wife. [Pretty much] Everyday I make it a goal to not criticize Tommy today, or to only say positive things today to him. I am not kidding when I say that literally everyday- I fail. It hurts me after I do. Pangs of guilt... I feel like I tear him down everyday. Maybe I don't, maybe more often than not it's just suggestions of how to improve. (The teacher in me can be so take-overish sometimes.) But despite what drives me to do this, I really want to stop. I feel like Satan wins every day, not necessarily because I'm driven to do this, but because I am having the absolute worse time overcoming the natural tendency to do so (the natural man).
I am starting to question whether I have anger management issues sometimes (haha). No one should get angry over her husband saying he doesn't want to read a text conversation. And stay angry for 20 minutes. (However, I have a feeling I'm not alone in this petty anger issue.)
The thing that always gets me, though, is my sense of humor. I have the uncanny ability to laugh at any time if something funny happens. (This can be very horrible at times...) I also have the ability to crack jokes when I am mad or almost finished being mad. (Usually these are very dry jokes. I'm lucky I have a husband who has become very good at recognizing these for what they are, especially since this humor is not typically used in his primary culture.)

I think frequently about how I just want one day to be perfect. No disagreements and everyone is happy all day long. (I am hoping that this is more attainable than I make it sound.)

I love Tommy. Don't think for one second I don't. I just needed to be real for a bit. And now you all know how crazy I am. Hopefully this fact in life will not make you question our friendship. And by the way, I am really nice to Tommy, too.  I'm not always crazy. Maybe just once a day. But I'm still working on it, people. That's what each new day is for.

Texas and Life

In December, Tommy graduated, and since he didn't get a job in Hawaii, we moved to stay with my parents so that he could apply to the more abundant job market of the mainland. Tommy eventually got an internship with TMobile which started in June. Since I'm his wife, I came with him, instead of staying with my parents. But because it's summer, I haven't been working, and I have no car (since we only have one), so I've been a bit bored. Plus, I'm a people person.

Texas is a very interesting place. Since we are close to Dallas, there aren't beaches or mountains, so I'm not really sure what to do here, even on the weekends when Tommy isn't working. One day, our first week here, I decided to take a walk. There is a mall pretty close to our hotel, so I've gone there a few times to spend time/give myself something to do. Anyway, I thought there was another mall close to where we are staying, so I decided to walk there. It wasn't a mall, it was just a shopping center, so I decided to keep on walking to explore, in hopes of reaching a mall (besides the one I already knew about). I ended up walking for three hours in the heat, which was probably somewhere around 7 miles, and getting slightly lost (not completely, but I didn't want to backtrack). That day, I was very grateful for the shade. And I did get very sunburned. My feet were also very tired.

We have been going to a ward at church with a Chinese Group, so most of the meetings are in Chinese, and they have interpreters for Sacrament Meeting. We meet at the same time as the ward, but in the Relief Society room. Anyone in the Dallas mission can come to this ward if they are attending the Chinese Group.

I applied for my Texas teaching license early because my Washington one took so long to get, but Texas was really fast. Our first Sunday we went to the ward that our boundaries are in, and I was able to find a ride from someone in that ward from an email group. It was really nice of her to take me, but I haven't seen her since, and I think she has moved to Utah by now, which is where her husband is from. Anyway, I applied to all of these districts and positions here, but I haven't even received one phone call, and school starts on Monday, so I don't think I will be having a full-time teaching job here. 

(Speaking of licenses, I'm rather excited because I found out I can apply to a lifetime teaching certificate in New Jersey. This is good news because it means that I can have a license that will never expire. I've been thinking about and wanting a lifetime certificate for a while, and yesterday I did a little bit of research and found out New Jersey offers them. I'm not kidding that I'm excited about this. It's helpful in case I ever want to take a break from teaching or we move out of the country at some point- I don't have to worry about keeping it up/maintaining one. This makes it much easier for applying for a teaching license in pretty much any other state since expiring licenses is bad news. They make a lot of trouble to get back- with my mom, she worked probably 8 years to get hers and get highly qualified status back, which is crazy. Which is painful to her because at the time, she didn't know WA had a lifetime certificate as well, so if she'd had that, she wouldn't have had all this other mess. I am learning from her mistakes and trying to avoid that mess!)

I have had two interviews in Washington, however. One I flew back for, and I would have been working on the same team as Sarah's first grade teacher. They didn't call me back, though, so someone else nailed that interview. Then, on Friday, I had another interview but I didn't really want to spend $500 just to interview again, so we did it over FaceTime. If I get that position, I should be hearing back probably today (or maybe tomorrow, but I think today). I knew for the other job that I wasn't going to get it- it wasn't pessimism, I just had the thought that it wasn't going to be for me, and that feeling was right. For this one, I know the interview went a little bit better (ironically, since it was over FaceTime), but I'm not really sure. Meanwhile, we're waiting to hear back about 2 job interviews for Tommy, as well as a position approval at TMobile. So we might end up staying here in Texas for a while, we could end up back in Washington with one of the jobs, or somewhere else for the other one. I'm just glad that things are falling into place because we have been praying for a full-time position for Tommy for a very very long time. As for me, I can work anywhere, and while I prefer not to sub, it is still a possibility for me. (Ironically, the TMobile headquarters are about 20 minutes away from where my parents live and we drove all the way to Texas for this.) It's been really hard the past year, but we've been okay and had a lot of help and support from others, especially my parents. On Sunday I read this article and it was really helpful and applicable to our job situation. So I made that our home evening lesson for Monday.

For my birthday, we got tickets to Six Flags. I guess I have always wanted to go, and I told Tommy, "How can you live in Texas and not go to Six Flags?!" It was pretty fun, although we ended up only going on one roller coaster because the lines for all of them were so long. We went on 8-10 rides, though, so that's pretty good for the day. We had fun, and after we got back to the hotel we went out to dinner to a real Texas bbq place. It was pretty good. We sat at the bar because there wasn't any seating anywhere else, and they didn't even card us! I was surprised, but also excited. (Not like we drink, anyway.)

Overall, Texas is rather boring and fairly hot (although it's mostly bearable), but the people here are really friendly- unless they are in their cars. People are really aggressive drivers here. It's kind of crazy. It's also crazy how all the main roads are about 6 lanes because they have 3 lanes going in each direction...with a median in the middle. So there are lots of places to U-Turn, which is fairly helpful.

My sister Sarah was in Texas with her friend for a month, staying with the friend's grandma. As fate would have it, we ended up in the same city. So it was fun because we got to do things with the girls a few times, spend time with people we know,  and explore Texas together a little bit. 

We are pretty close to the temple here, which is a good thing, (20-30 minute drive), and I must say it's prettier in person than looking at it from the pictures. It's one of the 3 with the slanty roof (Las Vegas and Boise are the other two). 

That's pretty much the scoop of our lives. The most exciting thing is watching job opportunities finally unfold for Tommy. I'm rooting for a specific one, but I won't say what it is. (And I haven't mentioned what the others are, anyway.) But it's exciting to know that we're finally going to be settled in a little while. 

I'm Grateful for my Husband

Yes, I'm really grateful for him. Being married takes a lot of work. But if you're working together, then you're probably doing it right. ;)
We got a good amount of money from our tax return. I asked Tommy if we could use it to buy a car (long before we even prepared our taxes). There are LOTS of reasons why I want a car, and think it would be beneficial, but I'm not going to go there, mostly because you probably understand this and so I don't need to list. So lately, we've been looking for a car. Starting from last week, we tried a Ford Focus. Tommy didn't know it was a Ford, but he doesn't like Fords apparently, so we're not going to get it. I was okay with it- the test drive didn't win me over. We just wanted to find a car that we both like.
Then, Tommy found this REALLY amazing deal on Craigslist. It was a 2002 Toyota Camry XLE with leather seats and a sun roof. We only had access to the person's email, so we were contacting that way. Here, there are a lot of servicemen who get deployed, so they price their cars a little bit cheaper in order to be able to sell quicker. Well, that was the story...plus the part about how this guy is in NORTH DAKOTA at an AFB and he'll ship it to us and we can pay through Amazon. We found our first scam. (I was slightly disappointed because this sounded perfect for me/for us, and I let my hopes get too high.)
I was scouring Craigslist after this, to see if I could find anything close by. I did find one, a little out of our price range, but Tommy said maybe we can bargain, so we went and looked and tested it out. I really liked most of it. It seemed really good in most ways. However, Tommy wasn't sure. He started at a 4.5 and moved to a 5 on a scale of how much he wanted it. I was a 7. We weighed in on this really hard. Maybe it sounds stupid, but $3000 is a lot to us right now. We said that we could spend $2900 on it (which was a compromise from both of us). They were willing to take that offer. Tommy and I discussed and weighed in even more. It's funny, because usually I'm the wishy-washy one, but this time I had my mind made up. Tommy didn't, but I think that's because he knew I liked it, but he wasn't sold. We ended up telling the people that we weren't on the same page about the car, and so we're going to wait until we find one we both like.
Tommy just wants to wait altogether, so I told him I won't look for any cars until he lets me know that he's ready. (That's going to be a challenge, but I can do it. Good self-control practice, anyway.)
Now, if you think about it, being single CAN be much easier because one party is deleted from this process. You can more easily do whatever you feel is right for YOU. When you're married, you need to work together to make decisions (if you want your marriage to stay healthy), and there will ALWAYS be disagreements, because of that fact about being two different people- it's two different brains you're dealing with.
So why am I grateful for my husband? I'm grateful that he's willing to keep the best in mind for both of us, even if I have a different opinion about what that really means. I'm grateful he lets me have my opinion. I'm grateful that it's okay to disagree with each other sometimes. I'm grateful that he is supportive, but that he has his opinion, too. And I'm really really grateful that I DO have someone to make a decision with- that I don't have to do it myself, and neither does he. Because two heads ARE better than one-it helps each person to keep from falling through the cracks- and the couple. (Usually.) So although it might sound a little crazy to some people out there about being able to "do whatever you want," that isn't all it's cracked up to be. I've been there and done that before. It's "mo' bettah" when you have someone to fall back on and make a decision with, so that you are both going to benefit. Even if it doesn't work out, somehow you still feel supported, because the other opinion matters, too. And although that can not be so fun sometimes because you don't always get what you want as often, it kicks the selfishness right out of you. There's no room for that garbage if you want to keep your marriage healthy. Selfishness doesn't really get people where they want to be, anyway, so thanks for the everyday lessons on selflessness...
So I'm grateful for my husband, that we can work together in decision making, that I don't have to do it alone, that we can work together so that we can both win, that he can be supportive of me whether we agree or agree to disagree, that he's so important to me that I'm willing and finally able to put myself aside completely for another person and look at something from his point of view, that everything is always going to be okay, that he can make me laugh when I'm really mad at him and don't want to laugh (Shhh! don't tell!), that I matter to him, that he makes me feel loved every single day, that I don't have to be alone for the rest of FOREVER because I HATE BEING ALONE, that I'm learning how to involve Heavenly Father more in big decisions because of Tommy, because I have someone to love.
I'm so grateful for my husband.

Surprises

Occasionally, I tell Tommy he should surprise me more. I like surprises. Actually, I love them! I don't understand why some people don't. (I secretly think it's good for them, and to let go of the control.) I love surprising others, and getting surprises. The excitement, the smile, the reaction, the aura of the atmosphere- I love it all!

I have noticed smaller things lately where Tommy has really been trying harder to do this, and contribute to my overall happiness and our relationship. Last week, when he had a break between semesters, he surprised me by coming to meet me after work. (That actually turned out not-so-great for my sister, but that's a completely different story, poor girl.)

Usually I call Tommy at lunchtime. I honestly sometimes don't even know what to talk about sometimes, but I just want to feel connected to him and hear his voice and see how everything is going. I just like talking to him, even if I have nothing in particular I want to say. It's because I love him. On Friday, I called him, and we were talking, and he said,
"Hey, did you ever purchase tickets to the Harlem Globetrotters?" (He knew I had seen something about it online.)
"No, I didn't."
"Good, because I just bought tickets for Monday night at 7:00. They were kind of expensive, actually. They were $28 each..." (Originally I thought he said $48 each, but I'm glad to know that was not the case, although I assured him that it was worth it as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.)

The conversation continued, but I told you the most important part about it. I was so happy that he got them, and also that he did something to surprise me! I didn't have much else to say besides "That's so exciting!/I'm so excited!" and "Thank you!"

Later on, I was talking to him about it, asking what prompted to buy them. He said a few things, and I said that I thought he wanted to surprise me. He said, "Yeah, that's a another big one, actually." I told him that I was surprised, because usually he doesn't like spending a lot of money. He responded by telling me that he actually sat there for 30 minutes trying to decide whether or not to get them. That both cracks me up that it was that difficult for him, and also makes me so happy that he was willing to do something that big to surprise me. (I know that $28 isn't really too much money, but usually our dates cost a little bit less than that (unless he's in the mood to "have a really good meal"), so it was a splurge for him, plus we are trying pretty hard to save money.) And I just found out that he could have saved some money from it, but that's okay. It puts a smile on my face to know that he did that, and of course I told him thank you for doing that to surprise me (positive reinforcement, folks!) and I really am thankful.

I'm happy that I have this cute and adorable and also awesome Chinese guy in my life. I am so grateful that he is making such an effort to make me happy. He always likes to quote, "Happy wife, happy life" and he's really starting to live that.

Okay, now can I divert this and bring up the point that we're going to see the HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS?!?!?!?!? And now you can vote on a rule that you want them to add to the game. Folks, I am so excited. I am living my mom's dream. She has always wanted to see one of their games. I think I shall be exploding her phone with photos and videos so she can see it! (Unless they don't allow photography...) Too bad facetime wouldn't work very well for that. Anyway, EXCITED. :) I just really really wish my mom could be here. She would be so thrilled!

Boredom

If my Tommy Baby isn't tired of his homework (which I know he is, but I think sometimes he likes it, and I don't blame him), I'm tired and bored of it for him.
We are both very grateful his appeal for extension was approved and that he'll be graduating in December. However, after that, he'll be doing a MAcc program, and not here in Hawaii. (He can't get a scholarship from UH- they're a bit stingy, I guess, so he's planning on applying to other schools that he thinks he can.) Which only means...MORE HOMEWORK! Ahhhhh! And eventually, I wouldn't be surprised one bit if he gets his PhD.

I think that maybe probably I am just either:
A) not supportive enough,
B) too impatient,
C) too selfish, or
D) all of those.

I hope not. He says I'm supportive. I don't feel like that. I just feel like I want to complain about his homework all the time and throw it out the window sometimes. I want him to get those degrees. Education is really important to me...(that's obvious, as I'm a teacher). And actually, I want to get at least my Masters degree. I don't think that I want to do an online program, and I want to do something educationally related (duh), but I really think that I want to study Educational Psychology. Those two words are my two main interests, and I love that subject. The problem is- actually, there are two: WHEN? and WHERE? Not a lot of schools offer that, and depending on where my groom studies for his Masters, I will have to wait. Plus, I will have to wait because I don't think that we can both go to school at the same time. Although that may possibly be ideal (I don't know, I graduated before we got married, so I've never been in that situation of both spouses going to school at the same time), I don't think it will be financially doable.

So, we'll see.
Meanwhile, I am a displaced teacher, which means as of now, my school has no room for me next year. So I don't know where I'm going to be. And I really hope I find out soon. I was bummed because the two places (much closer to home) I applied to didn't take me. One hired someone without interviewing me, the other interviewed me but never called me back. I think it was a long day for both of us, I felt like the interview was a little rushed, and I really could have interviewed a lot better. Frustrating, because I feel like I would be a perfect fit, but oh well. Something will work out. (I'm supposed to be placed before anyone starts hiring new employees. I better get SOMETHING!!! I've worked so hard to be where I am now, and I really don't want to lose it. Oh well if I do, I guess I'll be moving, anyway...)

As a random side note, it's actually pretty fun being married to someone who doesn't speak my first language. When this little someone gets tired and saying stuff that doesn't make much sense, sometimes it's in Cantonese and if I remember, I get a translation later, and these things are funny. For example, yesterday he asked me if I was taking that little bowl of "fighter jets" for my lunch. (Translated from Cantonese.) He was actually talking about a bowl of soup. So today, I ate a bowl of little fighter jets (which spilled all over- I don't know if it was me or the container- it was Campbell's soup at hand in a bowl, which I have never tried. Probably a combination of me and the bowl- I think it's filled up a little too much.)
Anyway...welcome to my brain, where my thoughts jump all over the place.
Happy Friday (a few hours early, for me anyway)!!!

Life, Creepy Crawlies, Cars, Easter

(Okay, I know this post is really random. That's how my brain works. And I had a lot of catching-up to do, so I did it in one post.)

This past week, Tommy has had school off. It's been really nice, even though I had work. We got to do a lot together after I finished work. He starts school again tomorrow.
I have 6 more weeks of teaching left of the school year. (This means only 5 more weeks of planning! WOOHOO!)
He has 7 weeks of Summer A (the summer semester is cut in half with a 5 week break in the middle).
Plus 2 more weeks of an extra SAP class his professor voluntarily teaches (I think unpaid) to help students get SAP certified. 2 weeks of 8 AM to 8 PM.
9 weeks of school. Hard weeks. Busy weeks. Crazy weeks.
I'm so scared. When he's in school and super busy, life is more than just a little hard for the both of us. At least he got a week to relax to the max.
The next week, we head to Hong Kong for just under 2 weeks. I'm really excited to go.
Tommy got his extension approved the 2nd time around, thanks to help from many faculty and professors on campus. (He started school before the 9 semester rule, so he's in that middle group who was applied the rule, but sometimes have a hard time finishing.) He is double majoring, which isn't grounds for staying another semester, so basically he had to talk about why those classes would help him in his future career. We are just really grateful his appeal (actually, re-appeal) was accepted, and he can graduate in December.

A few minutes ago, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. At first, I thought it was a cockroach. But as I stared at this creature that seems to somehow blend in with the carpet (perhaps the texture), I realized it's a spider. I do not know what kind, but perhaps it's the one that laid egg sacs on our ceiling. I have been staring at it. And it just moved again. I don't usually mind spiders, but this one seems a little creepy to me.
...

Okay, that was an ugly one. After I checked out what it was (and it was bigger than I thought), it crawled away, and across the door. So I opened the door up in attempt to help it go outside. It crawled around and ended up on the cement by the door. So I then opened up the screen, and out it went. I think it did not exactly want to be around me, either. Good bye, spider. I'm glad I did not kill you and that you are outside where you belong. Please don't go into someone else's house, or back into mine. Some people aren't as nice to me.

Speaking of these things, there was a grasshopper head in my dim sum yesterday. I cut it in half to share with Tommy. When I picked up my portion, there was something that fell out. I ate my dim sum, while staring at this thing. I couldn't help but think it looked like a grasshopper head, but that it was probably part of the veggies inside. I really wasn't sure. I picked it up to show Tommy, and then it shot out of my chopsticks and landed by his plate. Then he picked it up and I told him what it reminded me of. He looked at it, and said it was. Frankie and Felicia, who are from Malaysia, were with us, and said it happens quite often there. That was a first for Tommy, who has only seen it in movies/TV shows. It was also a first for me. He called over the waiter and told them. They crossed that off of our bill and also gave us free egg tarts.
I had eaten that piece, and I don't think the body was inside, but it's still a little gross to think that the head was touching stuff that I ate. I tried to tell myself that it was okay since I once voluntarily ate a mealworm in a Bio Lab class in Idaho. (It was fried, salted, and for extra credit. So I did it.) But I think they are a little different. And also, I did it voluntarily, for something.

In my last post, I talked about not going anywhere for Christmas. My dad had a bunch of extra sky miles that he ended up using for plane tickets for us. (I think both of my parents really wanted us there.) It was fun, and I can't believe it's already Easter! I love Easter. I love what it represents and reminds us of. Anyway, 4 months have passed already. January...February...March...and now April is closer to being finished than it is to beginning.

Stacy left on Wednesday morning. She's transferring to Provo. I don't know who I am going to play with this summer. It makes me a little sad she's gone. In some ways it's good, but in a lot of ways, it's just sad. I'm happy for her, though. Getting her to the airport was crazy. She had a ride, but then that person's car broke down and couldn't take her. Tommy came to town that day to get his computer looked at and met up with me after work. We went to Wal-Mart, and then we went to a movie. We BARELY missed the bus after our movie, I think. So we had to wait a really long time and we got home at 10:00 PM. Stacy still had no ride. But a little while later, our neighbor came and offered to let us borrow their car since he had to work. I had to be to work, and Tommy didn't feel comfortable driving, so he went along in the car, but got someone else to drive her. (I rode the bus, because I felt uncomfortable with the possibility of traffic and being late. Especially since we were taking a field trip that day to the Bishop Museum.) I also felt bad, because Stacy had been locked out of our apartment, with no phone, after having gone to the beach. She called me during the movie from a friend's phone, and I didn't answer, but the second time, I knew what had happened, I left, and I called her back. I ended up calling an RA to come open the door. Everything turned out okay, but that poor girl had a hard day and a run for her money.
This story illustrates why I would like to get a car now, because I am tired of these kinds of things happening. Also, I want Tommy especially (but also me) to enjoy the island before we have to go. I don't know when he's going to start grad school, but he's not applying to UH because he cannot get a scholarship there, so it costs too much money. I'm a little sad about that. It's really hard to think about leaving. So I want to make the most of the rest of the time we have, and the bus doesn't go everywhere, and takes a lot of time.

Well, I think I hit the bulk of it. Today, we ended up joining another ward for Sacrament Meeting because the building where we meet was having its floors redone. It was a last minute notice, so we only had Sacrament Meeting, and then went home (the other ward continued everything, but we would have been too much for them to handle). It was funny, because I was supposed to play the piano for Sacrament today, and teach a lesson in Relief Society. I didn't end up needing to do either. I tried to not get annoyed about it, since I had put in a lot of extra preparation, which could have been used for other things. So I prayed that I wouldn't have a bad attitude about it. I ended up telling myself that it was okay because I learned more than I would have had I known I didn't need to do either. This is true. So then I was okay. (Especially since I need more piano practice, and playing the piano today would have been slightly stressful, because it always is. I don't really like playing while people sing- it is a difficult thing to do.)

Happy Easter! I am so grateful that Jesus Christ descended below all so that he could ascend above all, and allow us to be with Him if we follow and obey Him. Just think of the lowest place you've ever been in your life- the darkest. He experienced that, and everything else from everyone. He knows every single person's feelings, as well as the pain from sin. That blows my mind, how much He must have truly hurt (because I think that really helps put it into perspective). He knows. He still followed Father's commandments, and did not "remove the bitter cup." And then He literally rose 3 days later, and broke the bands of death. I am so thankful. And so filled with love toward Him. I'm thankful for everything He did. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ. I feel so joyful and honored to call Him my Brother, for He is! And He lives!

Not Everything in Life Stinks.

Life really stings sometimes. It does. That's true.
Honestly, it's difficult to be a 100% supportive wife when your husband is engulfed in schoolwork, you have a wild commute just because you work quite a distance from home, and you don't really get to see, let alone spend much time with each other. Add to that fact the uncertainty of graduation- whether it will be next August or December...(that's a big time gap, although the uncertainty doesn't bother me quite as much).
When days like that came around, I held onto the fact that it's going to be okay- we're going to have a break together in December and we're going to go to Hong Kong and it's going to be fun. And if we really can't make it to Hong Kong, we can still go to Washington. If we couldn't make it to Hong Kong, maybe we could buy a car instead.
I was thinking very positively about all of this. I tried to infiltrate Tommy with "It's okay if the tickets are a little bit more expensive, because we really need to go." (Tommy didn't really seem very excited about the ticket prices.)
Then, I asked what he REALLY thought, and what his real opinion was. He said he thought the tickets were expensive, but maybe we should go to the temple and pray about it.
So we did.
And I got stung. Because we both thought we should wait- to go to HK and to get a car. I kind of thought that was the answer coming, but I really knew once we got there. That nice little car bit wasn't really even a question for me at the time, but both of us had that feeling, too.
When we got home, I looked at tickets for Seattle, and they were just not worth it. We had missed every golden window of opportunity. Which then stung some more. We decided to just stay here for December. We feel like we need to save our money, especially for this upcoming semester and summer.
(Man, I am ready for summer again.)
I'm not complaining, at least I'm not trying to.
And I keep on trying to remind myself about how much better this year is compared to last- no loans, no difficult work situations, no craziness like that. And I think that is a really big blessing, because if I had to keep doing this year what I had to deal with last year, I would be in a rough situation. Life basically wouldn't really give me much to look forward to at all. At least I still get Christmas break with Tommy- he won't have work, so hopefully we get quality time together, because we deserve it! We will just get to ride the bus everywhere, just like always. I'm really looking forward to that break.
I just had my fall break for a week+today, and I'm sad to go back to school already! Last week went by so quickly! I'm not ready for the real world again! But I'm excited that 2nd quarter is here, because that's the fun time of year, with a holiday or more each month! It seems to go by faster because there are a few more breaks, and spread out a little more. And we have a little over a week of Parent-Teacher Conferences, so we get out early everyday for those! So even though I'm not looking forward to go back to work, I'm excited that at least we can do some fun things. I hope my students have not forgotten everything!
I'm also hopeful that I can transfer closer to home next year. For Tommy's sake, I think it would be great for him to get an internship because he wants one so much, but for my sake I don't really mind either way. I am just looking forward to his graduation.

Thanksgiving in July and August

Thanksgiving means "giving thanks." And that's just what I want to do.

I won't go into details, but I had a really rough year last school year, which was my first year teaching.
Life was also busy, and a lot different than I expected: I was busy, I was poor, I was tired, I had to ride the bus all the time, I felt friendless, sometimes I felt like a bad teacher, and at times I would cry a lot. It was slightly pathetic. (That, I promise, is going nowhere into details.) I tried so hard to change things and to change myself and I felt like it wasn't working, but I kept having a feeling (thank you, Holy Ghost), that things would change and get better, even though I had to stick it out then. At that time, I wasn't truly happy, so I couldn't really be happy if I tried. Because I did try. And it felt like it wasn't working. I always prayed to be happy again, and for things to get better. It was just really really hard.

My prayers, my many many prayers, were answered. And oh my goodness, I cannot even explain to what extent they were answered. It kind of even makes me literally want to cry tears of joy because of how blessed I know I am.
And because I pleaded so much, every time something good happens to me, even if it's small, I become extremely happy and say a silent thankful prayer. I am SO thankful for the blessings in my life right now. I'm still riding the bus, I'm still busy, I'm still tired, I'm still relatively poor (but not as much as last year!), I still don't really get to hang out with people a lot, and I haven't cried in a while. So, it seems, not much has changed.
NOT TRUE.

I have felt happy every day I have gone to work this week. And not short spurts of happiness.
It is because Heavenly Father placed some very ....(I'm at a loss for words because there is no word to describe how great of people they are)... some very LOVING people and LOVELY people, who are generous and kind, heartwarming and honest, forthright and inclusionary people into my life, who have made me feel welcomed, important, and loved.
So I can't thank my Heavenly Father enough. I can't thank these people enough. I can't... I just can't. But I'm trying to spread the love. I hope no one ever has to go through what I went through. I am trying to spread the love that I feel to other people and teachers. I hope I can share it with my students and not be or portray the burned-out, frazzled, unhappy, yet I-love-my-students teacher that I was last year. (But the BEAUTIFUL thing about children is how forgiving they are- I am convinced that's what Christ was talking about when he told us to be like little children. "...submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love..." The full of love part. It's BEAUTIFUL if you have experienced anything like that.) --Mosiah 3:19
 http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/3.19?lang=eng is the reference in case anyone cared.

So, now, can I please just preach to the world now, just for a second? The world needs love. You show love through service, which can be ANYTHING. Spending time, smiling, saying hi, offering help, including someone, learning about a person, etc. And when I say the world needs love, I DO NOT mean selective love. The world needs to throw that trash out the window and never say hello to it again. You do not need to pick and choose who to love, and who to be nice to. That is crap.
It's not our job. We are all children of God, and I truly believe that. If we are His children, just imagine the potential we have to become. That means we're all sisters and brothers. We are family. We each HAVE to remember that, and DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU. It's called the GOLDEN Rule for a reason. It will turn your heart to gold if you do. I know that sounds cheesy, and I'm sorry, but it is also true, and I'm not sorry for that fact. So please, just for my sake, just to make someone's day better, whether YOU think they need it or not, just be nice, kind, and loving to the next person you have the urge and impulse to do the opposite to. Then reflect on what happens. Please. Just once. It could change their life.
By the way, I am so entirely grateful- inside, outside, from the bottom to the top, through and through my heart- for the miracles that have recently occurred in my life. God works through other people. “God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.”
- Spencer W. Kimball
I promise.

Marriage Memoir: On Wedding Nights, Trust, and Love

I've been thinking about this post for a while now- about what/how to write it, what I'm going to say, etc. I realized that thinking about it isn't going to make the perfect post, so I'm just going to go ahead and write it. If you don't want to read a personal post, then stop reading.
I hope that as you read this, you will be able to consider things from my point of view instead of taking offense or feeling attacked (which is not my purpose). And, if for any reasons, you have any questions after my reading, go ahead and ask (but watch the talk I linked at the bottom first)!

**I also want you to know that if you find yourself differing from what you are about to read, I most likely do not think you're a bad person. And I'm not even going to define bad person, because that gets really complicated really fast. So I probably still think you're a good person, and so don't worry.**

I've always believed in marriage- that people should get married. I've always been taught about marriage and families.  I have been taught and believe in being chaste. That means not having sexual relations outside of marriage and maintaining complete fidelity after marriage. I'm an advocate for marriage, and here's one post of how I advocate. There are numerous studies out there about families and my belief system, but for now, I'm going to leave those out of this, because I want to tell my story, not others'.

Yes, I saved having sexual relations for marriage. Of course, I held hands and kissed- that's fine- I feel like those can be some of the sweetest ways of showing affection. But yes, I did not really do anything more than that before I was married. Was it hard at times? (Yes.) That's not necessarily the right question to ask, though. You should ask if it was worth it.

Was it worth abstaining from sexual relations until marriage? YES!
---> Follow-up question: Why? Why was it worth it?

1. My wedding night was beautiful.
No, it wasn't perfect. No, I didn't know completely what I was doing. Yes, it worked itself out.
I NEVER EVER heard of anything needing to be perfect to be beautiful. (Some people even argue that the imperfections in things are what make them beautiful, although that's not the point I'm trying to make here.)
I made that special, personal memory with only one person, after I was married. My wedding night didn't bring me back to a place of sharing myself with someone else I now regretted or wished for or lost; I am keeping that memory locked with one person, forever. (And please don't be cynical- I am NOT getting a divorce. Trust me. Just do.)
Sharing that part of me that had never been shared with anyone before, and with my now forever husband- that was beautiful.
Our bond grew, our love grew, our marriage grew.
(Plus, what is special about a wedding night when you've already shared sexual intimacy with the other person?)

2. Trust
Have you ever heard and/or used the argument that you should "find out if you're compatible before you actually get married?"
Here's why that is completely and utterly bogus: When it comes down to the very bottom of it, if there is a man and a woman involved, then there is compatibility. DATING is to determine compatibility within a relationship. When people use the former argument, I just hear them saying that they can't put full trust in their relationship. Think about it for a second (or 60, if needed).
(1 Mississippi...)
Basically, if a person trusts their companion, then they will not find it necessary to "make sure" through sexual intercourse. Once you've done that, it's kind of too late- there's been a PRETTY big bond you've just created.
Why not say "I love you" with a promise of full trust until after marriage?

3. Love
Some might ask how I know the following since I have not tested it. (If you're one of those, I guess you could look up studies about it.)
I agree that it is an expression of love. You feel loved, you love the other, etc.
I just want to say that I KNOW I love my husband SO MUCH MORE than I would have if I had not saved myself for marriage; I know myself, and I know that I wouldn't. I know that my human and biological functions are very similar to other humans, especially females of my age, so there is a really big chance right here that most people would love their spouses more if they waited until after marriage.

I never had my heart broken by someone I gave myself away to who left me, and one reason for that is I waited. I did not get pregnant outside of marriage, nor did I have the risk, because I waited. I have some wonderful memories that I hold dear, and a husband who I love so much. I am happier, because I waited, and that's just how it is.

Once again, I hope you did not find offense and were able to look through my lens for a minute or two. If you differ from the points I have made, I would encourage you to try what I have put forth, but PLEASE know that I am not condemning or judging you as a person. If you've made choices (referring to the content of this post, or anything, for that matter) in your past that you regret but have done all you can to make them right, don't get discouraged from what I have written.
These are my beliefs, they're what I have been taught, and they're what I will teach my children. I'm bringing them out into the open, and encouraging you to try.

If you have about 16 minutes, here is a talk about what I believe, and is more eloquent than me. This is probably the best part of my post, so just watch it, please!

School

My students (and I) get out of school in 4 more weeks. I don't care about the bus ride to and from work hardly as much as I care about not having to leave home, or be gone ALL day (plus a little more), or be at work dealing with things, or wake up at 4:30, or....

(Hey, it means I only have to buy one more bus pass for a while, too!)

However, I feel like these last 4 weeks are going to be a bumpy ride, and slightly unenjoyable in a few work-related areas.
But, the fact that it's only 4 more weeks and I have a BREAK is one of the only things I am able to hold onto right now. And I am very excited about it. Because I am really starting to lose it and I could use a little bit of sanity in my life. (Not that I'll get much more by NOT being far away from home all day, but I think I will get at least SOME restored, since I'm not going to have to worry about taking care of 19 different 7 and 8 year olds.)

3 Dreams

My dreams have not been working out so well lately. Here are some from the past 3 nights.

First, I get heart-broken when Tommy suddenly decides to go back to Hong Kong, and since I have to stay and work, we have to get a divorce?... I am wondering who I am going to marry again. I am asked to sign one paper, and then suddenly, someone is holding another stack of blue papers. Then, Tommy is about to go out the door. I ask him very hopefully if I can make it back to Hong Kong, can we get married again?
His reply, " Probably not..."
I was crushed, and trying everything I could do not to cry.
(Luckily I woke up after this dream, and Tommy was right there, and I felt so happy, and put my arm around him. Then I turned the other direction, and then he did the same thing to me, while he was still sleeping. I felt so much better.)

Next, my extended family and I are on a terrific picnic on a beautifully green hill, when a van full of murderers get dropped off. I briefly talk to the driver, who is from the jail or something, and says they're not dangerous, and they're supposed to be dropped off here. It's my job to calm my family down and convince them we're not going to be killed (but hide them inside the nearest building, anyway), and try to not get the murderers to hunt us down or kill us, while also sort of befriending them to stay on their good side.

Last, Tommy and I are mad at each other, and then my dream jumps and somehow I find myself a new missionary on an LDS mission. My companion and I woke up late, AND we have the job to go track down a pair of thieves or murderers, so we're rushing trying to get ready. Suddenly, our mission president's face shows up (think Wizard of Oz) and he is chewing me out for not having personal scripture study. I'm trying to explain that it's not entirely my fault (and I'm a NEW missionary), and that we have to go catch these guys, but he doesn't care and warns me that I need to be better and it's my responsibility.

No, I'm not pregnant. I've had weird dreams like this my whole life. (Ask anyone in my family.)
And this is why there should be some device invented in order to record dreams...

L-O-A-N that's how you spell Loan!

Now you know, I have student loans, just like almost the rest of everyone else who is a US citizen and went to a university. It wasn't that much to begin with (less than $10,000), so that's a pretty awesome thing. Since I'm a teacher, I have the summer off. (I have from May 25-July 29 off, actually.) 2 months. I'd really love to take those two months to play and relax, because I know I could use it. However, Tommy is going to be working, and since we don't have any children, I really wouldn't have too much to occupy my time. I do get bored easily at times, and I don't have a lot of money to buy things to make crafts all day...

The other day I got to thinking and started to wonder, "What if I got a job on campus for those two months?" So I asked Tommy today, and my thought went even farther to, "I could use all of that extra money  from working an extra job to go straight to pay off my student loan, plus the money from my regular paycheck." Tommy agrees. We both want to be able to start actually saving money as soon as possible. Money goes in, and it goes out even faster, it seems like. As we were discussing things, we determined that if everything went according to that plan, then I can have my loan paid off by October! (Or maybe even before October!)

So, even though I don't actually want to spend my 2 months "off" working, I would love to pay off my student loan as fast as possible. The government wants me to pay it off in 10 years, according to their payoff plan. I think they just want extra money! I pay roughly 5 times the payment amount I'm required per month, so I'm on the 2 year track as of now, which is also not too bad. But paying it off by October does sound like a dream! (A dream that I can definitely handle!!!) 

Because I'm tired of paying extra money. And I want to save money. And we don't have a car yet, although we're trying to discuss that and figure that out. But riding the bus is very economical, as well as very environmentally friendly. Although it does take a very long time. We'll see. I'm just very hopeful about this. 

Or perhaps idealistic. 

I'm just tired of paying bills I don't want to pay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, I want to get rid of one that stares me down each time I get paid. Goodbye to you, is my take.

I know this is a boring post. I'm sorry. 

I'm so excited for...

Well, first of all, my brother and sister-in-law (I have a sister-in-law now!) got married on Saturday, so congratulations to them! I'm excited for a new sister. She's awesome, too! And she looked so incredibly beautiful.

I'm always excited for one thing: spending time with my husband.
Which makes me excited for two dates, in particular:
April 12- last day of finals for my baby;
May 24- last day of school (teaching) for me.

I'm excited for next month, too, because that means spring break for me, but sadly, my husband will be studying away, which means I won't get to spend very much quality time with him. (But it will still be exciting to be able to see him and spend time with him when I can, because that will be more than most.)

I'm excited for April 12, because that means no more studying for classes! That means that when I come home from work, my Tommy Baby will be all mine! (For the most part.) We can do nice things, like walk to Foodland at night, just to walk around. We can watch movies together. We can go to bed at the same time!!! (I always have to go to bed before Tommy because he's studying, and I have to wake up super early.)

I'm excited for May 24, because after that, I can relax for the summer (from work). Then, hopefully, I will be able to spend even more time with Tommy. Even though he'll be working during the day, well, I can have lunch with him, or go find him if I want to see him.

He's looking for an internship for this summer, though, so hopefully we won't be apart, because that would be boring and stinky. (It depends on his internship schedule and my school start date.)
But, I'm not worrying about that right now, BECAUSE.... it gives me something to look forward to!
And, I like counting down a bit. Only 3 months until school is out for the summer for me!! (That includes spring break and the following week.) That is so close! 3 months goes by quickly!!! (Unfortunately, too, because that means my summer is going to be fast. :( )
I'm just excited, though. It helps me get through my right now slightly boring life. :)

Some Days Were Just Meant to be Bad

Today, for me, was one of them. Let's start by saying you got about 4.5 hours of sleep, and sum it up with having a crazy schedule, good kids, naughty kids, noisy kids, and grumpy kids at school. To top it off with a BANG!, we'll add on that the bus made a very noisy sound and the air or hydraulics system went out. The good part? It broke down next to a road you could walk on to catch a different bus that only comes 4 times a day. But you have to wait 30 minutes for that bus to arrive. At least you got to talk to other people who are always on the same bus as you...and kind of make friends.
....And so at the end, or middle, or whenever you are able, you can listen to "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. Because as weird and strange as it is, listening to an upbeat song about having a bad day is indeed oddly vindicating, and also releases pressure/stress/whatever.
So, if you're having a bad day, just listen to that song.
If you want more of headbanging songs, try this one a few times. And if that doesn't work, you could always listen to Linkin Park (you should know this one).
Last, if you prefer mellow music, you should listen to Joshua Radin. And if you're going to do that, you might as well WATCH his music video for Brand New Day because it's really funny.

I guess the real point of this post, whatever your music preferences are, is that you should listen to music to feel happier after a long day. (But don't listen to music that will make you feel angrier! The world doesn't want that, peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

PEACE!

Ah, the Life of a Teacher

Today, I was blessed with the amusing and awe-striking experience of being a teacher. (Names are changed for protection.) FYI, I teach 2nd grade.

***DISCLAIMER: Most days are not anywhere near as...amusing and/or awe-striking as this fabulous Friday was. Most days are completely "normal" (compared to this one).***

Scene 1:
1st bell just rang, 5th grade cousin walks into room: "Mrs. Wong, What's Sam's mom's phone number? I'm his cousin [I knew that], and he threw up on his plate." Apparently someone got sick while eating school breakfast (and I honestly doubt it was due to what he was eating).

Scene 2:
Lunch Recess. Walking to playground. See a silly boy peeing on the grass. I'm not even lying. Of course, I motioned for him to come to me, but he just stayed put, and as I got closer, he went to play with friends. Well, I got a good look at his face, found him quickly, and we walked right over to the counselors to talk about such behavior (meaning we walked over together and I told the counselors what happened, and left so I could watch the other students).

Scene 3:
End of lunch recess. Students should be lining up with their classes. Some Kinders scream "His pants are falling down!" Yes, indeedy, they sure are. I'm questioning myself: "Why would he wear pants that are so huge on him to school?" The button and zipper are still done up, but the pants won't be pulled up. Note to self: pants are not too big; he pulled them down without undoing anything, and now they're stuck. He's running around, trying not to show his underwear to the whole playground. I get the fine task of unbuttoning and unzipping his pants, pulling them up, and then buttoning and zipping them right back up again. Oh boy!
It doesn't stop there.

Wait, why is he trying to pull them down?
Kinder boy: "I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!"
Other student: "There's somebody in there!"
Me: "Wait until your teacher takes your class to the bathroom. You can go then!"
Kinder boy: "I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!"
Other student: "There's somebody in there!"
Me: "Can you wait until your teacher takes you?"
Kinder boy: "No! I need to go!" (He's very wiggly and squirmy, and highly uncomfortable)
Me: "Okay, well can you use that one over there?"
Kinder boy: "Okay!!!" as he runs away, trying to pull down his pants.

Sometimes, when you gotta go, you gotta go!

Scene 4:
Today was the 104th day of school, but we celebrated the 100th day because our students needed time to do their displays of 100 items.
2 students put 100 stickers on a piece of paper. Students are individually presenting projects to the class.
George: "This is 100 hero stickers..."
I call another student up right after George.
Henry: "I made 100 stickers, too."
"What kind of stickers are on there, Henry?"
"Lightning McQueen!" exclaims half the class.
"Oh, you put Cars stickers on it?"
"Yes."
"Henry, stay there. George, come back up; hold your sticker sheet. Class, what kind of stickers are on George's paper?"
"Hero stickers."
"And what kind of stickers are on Henry's paper?"
"Cars!"
Pointing from their sticker sheets to their shirts, I point something out to the class. George is wearing a Captain America shirt and used 100 hero stickers. Henry is wearing a Lightning McQueen shirt and used Cars stickers.
That was the best observation I made all day! Plus, the class laughed, and George and Henry weren't sure if they felt special or embarrassed."'

Scene 5:
EVERYONE in class eventually understood the math lesson today! It didn't even take that long for most of them to get it!

Scene 6: I put a paper clip chain around my neck (a hundreds project a student made) and flaunt it to the class while he's explaining it. Well, that just made the whole day awesome, apparently. Those kids did not expect their teacher to wear a colorful paper clip necklace... another funny moment.

Nicknames and TheBus

Typically, society portrays Alice (from Alice in Wonderland) as having blonde hair. That’s why it was so hard for me one morning to decide if I was “Alice in Wonderland” or “Goldilocks.” You see, I was riding the bus one morning, as my usual routine in getting to work, and a man was speaking to another bus rider, but with an unusually loud voice.

“I have a name for every person who rides this bus every morning,” he boasted. “I call her ‘Alice in Wonderland,’ and that one is Goldilocks.” He babbled on about this for a few minutes, repeating himself a few times, and talking about nicknames for a few other people. I knew I had to be one of those two.

“But then again,” I questioned myself, “Why am I not Sleeping Beauty? Doesn’t he see me at least trying to sleep every morning?”

As creepy as it may have sounded, I did want to know who I was. I could ask him, but I didn’t want to spark a long conversation with him. I try to sleep on the bus, and that would foil my plans. As I posted it on facebook, most responses I got back were in favor of me being “Alice.”

Well, this Nickname Guy couldn’t be too creepy; I had a few nicknames for people before. Actually, one man in particular.

On a later bus I used to ride, a man with an earring, glasses, and a mole, who worked at a museum, would get onto the bus. Of course, since my eyes were closed, I would usually smell him before I could see him. That led his nickname to become “Coffee Boy.” He’d walk onto that bus with coffee every morning. Sometimes he sat next or close to me, and I could smell that coffee even more. I just started to call him Coffee Boy in my head. Whenever I see him (usually on the way home), I say to myself, “There’s Coffee Boy.” I guess some people earn reputations, neither good nor bad. I earned an Alice/Goldilocks rep because of my hair, and another man earned a coffee rep.

The one rule Nicknaming Guy broke: you should never tell people on the bus about your nicknames for other bus riders.

And I guess he just earned himself a nickname by breaking that rule. 

Life, I guess

Remember in my last post how I talked about my journal, and how it's easier? Well, I haven't written in it for a while. A long time. I don't really know why. And I'm not really sure how to get myself to start again. I don't necessarily think the root or stem of the problem is laziness to write (although that might be a "leaf" if we're talking plant metaphors here). I don't know. I want to treasure life as I have it now. I also know that if I wrote down all my blessings everyday, I'd be a lot happier. I haven't been as happy as I've wanted to be...probably since my birthday. Or before that.
I didn't even have a clue how attached to my journal I really was. When I lost it and tried everything I could to get it back, I was left devastated each time nothing worked. I've often thought to myself about how I feel like I lost part of myself when I lost that journal. those months, February through August, were a HUGE shaping point of my life, because SO MUCH happened. I still struggle with it sometimes. My lovely husband could even tell just now (while doing his hw), that I was having a bit of a hard time, so he made sure I was okay- twice. One day I told him that I don't know when I'll be okay, but I know I will be okay (regarding my journal). He told me that was a big step from where I first started. I'm obviously still not there yet, otherwise I'd be totally up to write everyday.
At the end of 2012 and beginning of 2013, I just kept thinking about how 2012 was the HARDEST year of my life. But then I realized, it was also the best year of my life as well. At that point, I came to the conclusion that if we're going to get big blessings, we're going to get big trials. Also, if we're going to get big trials, we're going to get big blessings.
Life is getting better, but only because I've been exerting a lot of energy into helping myself have a good attitude. Having a good attitude used to come so naturally to me, but like I said, 2012 was hard, and it really did beat me down a little. I got tired of being at that place, so I'm trying to take matters into my hands to be happy. I'm still working on it. Since I'm graduated and have a career, but live in married student housing, I'm in a tough position. I don't really feel like I have that many friends, and I live nowhere near any of my coworkers (who are all married and have children and stuff like that). It's easy to feel alone. Not to mention the fact that I NEED social interaction to keep myself happy. That's one struggle I have, because my schedule and life situation aren't very conducive to making friends with a lot of people.


On another note, I have been thinking about something lately (the past few months or weeks):
I've been thinking about how people tell others that there's someone who is always worse off or has worse problems than they have, and then their problems don't seem so bad. While I don't exactly want to thoroughly discredit this idea, OUR problems are OUR problems, which makes them feel incredibly real for ourselves. Sometimes, it seems like if we compare our problems to someone else's, ours aren't so bad. BUT,  this cannot exactly hold true. It can't hold true because the types of problems we experience wouldn't actually be an issue to that other person, or their problems would be too much for us to bear and/or handle, so we meet face-to-face with challenges that are meant for US, and are not to be compared. Example: Suppose a close relative died. "Compare" that to me "just" losing part of my journal. Seems like no big deal against coping with family loss. But it was HUGE to me!) Problems weren't meant to be compared. They were meant to be dealt with.

Good things are coming my way: David Choi concert next Saturday, Matthew and Amanda are getting married in less than a month, and I'm going to bed now!