Occasionally, I tell Tommy he should surprise me more. I like surprises. Actually, I love them! I don't understand why some people don't. (I secretly think it's good for them, and to let go of the control.) I love surprising others, and getting surprises. The excitement, the smile, the reaction, the aura of the atmosphere- I love it all!
I have noticed smaller things lately where Tommy has really been trying harder to do this, and contribute to my overall happiness and our relationship. Last week, when he had a break between semesters, he surprised me by coming to meet me after work. (That actually turned out not-so-great for my sister, but that's a completely different story, poor girl.)
Usually I call Tommy at lunchtime. I honestly sometimes don't even know what to talk about sometimes, but I just want to feel connected to him and hear his voice and see how everything is going. I just like talking to him, even if I have nothing in particular I want to say. It's because I love him. On Friday, I called him, and we were talking, and he said,
"Hey, did you ever purchase tickets to the Harlem Globetrotters?" (He knew I had seen something about it online.)
"No, I didn't."
"Good, because I just bought tickets for Monday night at 7:00. They were kind of expensive, actually. They were $28 each..." (Originally I thought he said $48 each, but I'm glad to know that was not the case, although I assured him that it was worth it as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.)
The conversation continued, but I told you the most important part about it. I was so happy that he got them, and also that he did something to surprise me! I didn't have much else to say besides "That's so exciting!/I'm so excited!" and "Thank you!"
Later on, I was talking to him about it, asking what prompted to buy them. He said a few things, and I said that I thought he wanted to surprise me. He said, "Yeah, that's a another big one, actually." I told him that I was surprised, because usually he doesn't like spending a lot of money. He responded by telling me that he actually sat there for 30 minutes trying to decide whether or not to get them. That both cracks me up that it was that difficult for him, and also makes me so happy that he was willing to do something that big to surprise me. (I know that $28 isn't really too much money, but usually our dates cost a little bit less than that (unless he's in the mood to "have a really good meal"), so it was a splurge for him, plus we are trying pretty hard to save money.) And I just found out that he could have saved some money from it, but that's okay. It puts a smile on my face to know that he did that, and of course I told him thank you for doing that to surprise me (positive reinforcement, folks!) and I really am thankful.
I'm happy that I have this cute and adorable and also awesome Chinese guy in my life. I am so grateful that he is making such an effort to make me happy. He always likes to quote, "Happy wife, happy life" and he's really starting to live that.
Okay, now can I divert this and bring up the point that we're going to see the HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS?!?!?!?!? And now you can vote on a rule that you want them to add to the game. Folks, I am so excited. I am living my mom's dream. She has always wanted to see one of their games. I think I shall be exploding her phone with photos and videos so she can see it! (Unless they don't allow photography...) Too bad facetime wouldn't work very well for that. Anyway, EXCITED. :) I just really really wish my mom could be here. She would be so thrilled!
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Boredom
If my Tommy Baby isn't tired of his homework (which I know he is, but I think sometimes he likes it, and I don't blame him), I'm tired and bored of it for him.
We are both very grateful his appeal for extension was approved and that he'll be graduating in December. However, after that, he'll be doing a MAcc program, and not here in Hawaii. (He can't get a scholarship from UH- they're a bit stingy, I guess, so he's planning on applying to other schools that he thinks he can.) Which only means...MORE HOMEWORK! Ahhhhh! And eventually, I wouldn't be surprised one bit if he gets his PhD.
I think that maybe probably I am just either:
A) not supportive enough,
B) too impatient,
C) too selfish, or
D) all of those.
I hope not. He says I'm supportive. I don't feel like that. I just feel like I want to complain about his homework all the time and throw it out the window sometimes. I want him to get those degrees. Education is really important to me...(that's obvious, as I'm a teacher). And actually, I want to get at least my Masters degree. I don't think that I want to do an online program, and I want to do something educationally related (duh), but I really think that I want to study Educational Psychology. Those two words are my two main interests, and I love that subject. The problem is- actually, there are two: WHEN? and WHERE? Not a lot of schools offer that, and depending on where my groom studies for his Masters, I will have to wait. Plus, I will have to wait because I don't think that we can both go to school at the same time. Although that may possibly be ideal (I don't know, I graduated before we got married, so I've never been in that situation of both spouses going to school at the same time), I don't think it will be financially doable.
So, we'll see.
Meanwhile, I am a displaced teacher, which means as of now, my school has no room for me next year. So I don't know where I'm going to be. And I really hope I find out soon. I was bummed because the two places (much closer to home) I applied to didn't take me. One hired someone without interviewing me, the other interviewed me but never called me back. I think it was a long day for both of us, I felt like the interview was a little rushed, and I really could have interviewed a lot better. Frustrating, because I feel like I would be a perfect fit, but oh well. Something will work out. (I'm supposed to be placed before anyone starts hiring new employees. I better get SOMETHING!!! I've worked so hard to be where I am now, and I really don't want to lose it. Oh well if I do, I guess I'll be moving, anyway...)
As a random side note, it's actually pretty fun being married to someone who doesn't speak my first language. When this little someone gets tired and saying stuff that doesn't make much sense, sometimes it's in Cantonese and if I remember, I get a translation later, and these things are funny. For example, yesterday he asked me if I was taking that little bowl of "fighter jets" for my lunch. (Translated from Cantonese.) He was actually talking about a bowl of soup. So today, I ate a bowl of little fighter jets (which spilled all over- I don't know if it was me or the container- it was Campbell's soup at hand in a bowl, which I have never tried. Probably a combination of me and the bowl- I think it's filled up a little too much.)
Anyway...welcome to my brain, where my thoughts jump all over the place.
Happy Friday (a few hours early, for me anyway)!!!
We are both very grateful his appeal for extension was approved and that he'll be graduating in December. However, after that, he'll be doing a MAcc program, and not here in Hawaii. (He can't get a scholarship from UH- they're a bit stingy, I guess, so he's planning on applying to other schools that he thinks he can.) Which only means...MORE HOMEWORK! Ahhhhh! And eventually, I wouldn't be surprised one bit if he gets his PhD.
I think that maybe probably I am just either:
A) not supportive enough,
B) too impatient,
C) too selfish, or
D) all of those.
I hope not. He says I'm supportive. I don't feel like that. I just feel like I want to complain about his homework all the time and throw it out the window sometimes. I want him to get those degrees. Education is really important to me...(that's obvious, as I'm a teacher). And actually, I want to get at least my Masters degree. I don't think that I want to do an online program, and I want to do something educationally related (duh), but I really think that I want to study Educational Psychology. Those two words are my two main interests, and I love that subject. The problem is- actually, there are two: WHEN? and WHERE? Not a lot of schools offer that, and depending on where my groom studies for his Masters, I will have to wait. Plus, I will have to wait because I don't think that we can both go to school at the same time. Although that may possibly be ideal (I don't know, I graduated before we got married, so I've never been in that situation of both spouses going to school at the same time), I don't think it will be financially doable.
So, we'll see.
Meanwhile, I am a displaced teacher, which means as of now, my school has no room for me next year. So I don't know where I'm going to be. And I really hope I find out soon. I was bummed because the two places (much closer to home) I applied to didn't take me. One hired someone without interviewing me, the other interviewed me but never called me back. I think it was a long day for both of us, I felt like the interview was a little rushed, and I really could have interviewed a lot better. Frustrating, because I feel like I would be a perfect fit, but oh well. Something will work out. (I'm supposed to be placed before anyone starts hiring new employees. I better get SOMETHING!!! I've worked so hard to be where I am now, and I really don't want to lose it. Oh well if I do, I guess I'll be moving, anyway...)
As a random side note, it's actually pretty fun being married to someone who doesn't speak my first language. When this little someone gets tired and saying stuff that doesn't make much sense, sometimes it's in Cantonese and if I remember, I get a translation later, and these things are funny. For example, yesterday he asked me if I was taking that little bowl of "fighter jets" for my lunch. (Translated from Cantonese.) He was actually talking about a bowl of soup. So today, I ate a bowl of little fighter jets (which spilled all over- I don't know if it was me or the container- it was Campbell's soup at hand in a bowl, which I have never tried. Probably a combination of me and the bowl- I think it's filled up a little too much.)
Anyway...welcome to my brain, where my thoughts jump all over the place.
Happy Friday (a few hours early, for me anyway)!!!
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Life, Creepy Crawlies, Cars, Easter
(Okay, I know this post is really random. That's how my brain works. And I had a lot of catching-up to do, so I did it in one post.)
This past week, Tommy has had school off. It's been really nice, even though I had work. We got to do a lot together after I finished work. He starts school again tomorrow.
I have 6 more weeks of teaching left of the school year. (This means only 5 more weeks of planning! WOOHOO!)
He has 7 weeks of Summer A (the summer semester is cut in half with a 5 week break in the middle).
Plus 2 more weeks of an extra SAP class his professor voluntarily teaches (I think unpaid) to help students get SAP certified. 2 weeks of 8 AM to 8 PM.
9 weeks of school. Hard weeks. Busy weeks. Crazy weeks.
I'm so scared. When he's in school and super busy, life is more than just a little hard for the both of us. At least he got a week to relax to the max.
The next week, we head to Hong Kong for just under 2 weeks. I'm really excited to go.
Tommy got his extension approved the 2nd time around, thanks to help from many faculty and professors on campus. (He started school before the 9 semester rule, so he's in that middle group who was applied the rule, but sometimes have a hard time finishing.) He is double majoring, which isn't grounds for staying another semester, so basically he had to talk about why those classes would help him in his future career. We are just really grateful his appeal (actually, re-appeal) was accepted, and he can graduate in December.
A few minutes ago, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. At first, I thought it was a cockroach. But as I stared at this creature that seems to somehow blend in with the carpet (perhaps the texture), I realized it's a spider. I do not know what kind, but perhaps it's the one that laid egg sacs on our ceiling. I have been staring at it. And it just moved again. I don't usually mind spiders, but this one seems a little creepy to me.
...
Okay, that was an ugly one. After I checked out what it was (and it was bigger than I thought), it crawled away, and across the door. So I opened the door up in attempt to help it go outside. It crawled around and ended up on the cement by the door. So I then opened up the screen, and out it went. I think it did not exactly want to be around me, either. Good bye, spider. I'm glad I did not kill you and that you are outside where you belong. Please don't go into someone else's house, or back into mine. Some people aren't as nice to me.
Speaking of these things, there was a grasshopper head in my dim sum yesterday. I cut it in half to share with Tommy. When I picked up my portion, there was something that fell out. I ate my dim sum, while staring at this thing. I couldn't help but think it looked like a grasshopper head, but that it was probably part of the veggies inside. I really wasn't sure. I picked it up to show Tommy, and then it shot out of my chopsticks and landed by his plate. Then he picked it up and I told him what it reminded me of. He looked at it, and said it was. Frankie and Felicia, who are from Malaysia, were with us, and said it happens quite often there. That was a first for Tommy, who has only seen it in movies/TV shows. It was also a first for me. He called over the waiter and told them. They crossed that off of our bill and also gave us free egg tarts.
I had eaten that piece, and I don't think the body was inside, but it's still a little gross to think that the head was touching stuff that I ate. I tried to tell myself that it was okay since I once voluntarily ate a mealworm in a Bio Lab class in Idaho. (It was fried, salted, and for extra credit. So I did it.) But I think they are a little different. And also, I did it voluntarily, for something.
In my last post, I talked about not going anywhere for Christmas. My dad had a bunch of extra sky miles that he ended up using for plane tickets for us. (I think both of my parents really wanted us there.) It was fun, and I can't believe it's already Easter! I love Easter. I love what it represents and reminds us of. Anyway, 4 months have passed already. January...February...March...and now April is closer to being finished than it is to beginning.
Stacy left on Wednesday morning. She's transferring to Provo. I don't know who I am going to play with this summer. It makes me a little sad she's gone. In some ways it's good, but in a lot of ways, it's just sad. I'm happy for her, though. Getting her to the airport was crazy. She had a ride, but then that person's car broke down and couldn't take her. Tommy came to town that day to get his computer looked at and met up with me after work. We went to Wal-Mart, and then we went to a movie. We BARELY missed the bus after our movie, I think. So we had to wait a really long time and we got home at 10:00 PM. Stacy still had no ride. But a little while later, our neighbor came and offered to let us borrow their car since he had to work. I had to be to work, and Tommy didn't feel comfortable driving, so he went along in the car, but got someone else to drive her. (I rode the bus, because I felt uncomfortable with the possibility of traffic and being late. Especially since we were taking a field trip that day to the Bishop Museum.) I also felt bad, because Stacy had been locked out of our apartment, with no phone, after having gone to the beach. She called me during the movie from a friend's phone, and I didn't answer, but the second time, I knew what had happened, I left, and I called her back. I ended up calling an RA to come open the door. Everything turned out okay, but that poor girl had a hard day and a run for her money.
This story illustrates why I would like to get a car now, because I am tired of these kinds of things happening. Also, I want Tommy especially (but also me) to enjoy the island before we have to go. I don't know when he's going to start grad school, but he's not applying to UH because he cannot get a scholarship there, so it costs too much money. I'm a little sad about that. It's really hard to think about leaving. So I want to make the most of the rest of the time we have, and the bus doesn't go everywhere, and takes a lot of time.
Well, I think I hit the bulk of it. Today, we ended up joining another ward for Sacrament Meeting because the building where we meet was having its floors redone. It was a last minute notice, so we only had Sacrament Meeting, and then went home (the other ward continued everything, but we would have been too much for them to handle). It was funny, because I was supposed to play the piano for Sacrament today, and teach a lesson in Relief Society. I didn't end up needing to do either. I tried to not get annoyed about it, since I had put in a lot of extra preparation, which could have been used for other things. So I prayed that I wouldn't have a bad attitude about it. I ended up telling myself that it was okay because I learned more than I would have had I known I didn't need to do either. This is true. So then I was okay. (Especially since I need more piano practice, and playing the piano today would have been slightly stressful, because it always is. I don't really like playing while people sing- it is a difficult thing to do.)
Happy Easter! I am so grateful that Jesus Christ descended below all so that he could ascend above all, and allow us to be with Him if we follow and obey Him. Just think of the lowest place you've ever been in your life- the darkest. He experienced that, and everything else from everyone. He knows every single person's feelings, as well as the pain from sin. That blows my mind, how much He must have truly hurt (because I think that really helps put it into perspective). He knows. He still followed Father's commandments, and did not "remove the bitter cup." And then He literally rose 3 days later, and broke the bands of death. I am so thankful. And so filled with love toward Him. I'm thankful for everything He did. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ. I feel so joyful and honored to call Him my Brother, for He is! And He lives!
This past week, Tommy has had school off. It's been really nice, even though I had work. We got to do a lot together after I finished work. He starts school again tomorrow.
I have 6 more weeks of teaching left of the school year. (This means only 5 more weeks of planning! WOOHOO!)
He has 7 weeks of Summer A (the summer semester is cut in half with a 5 week break in the middle).
Plus 2 more weeks of an extra SAP class his professor voluntarily teaches (I think unpaid) to help students get SAP certified. 2 weeks of 8 AM to 8 PM.
9 weeks of school. Hard weeks. Busy weeks. Crazy weeks.
I'm so scared. When he's in school and super busy, life is more than just a little hard for the both of us. At least he got a week to relax to the max.
The next week, we head to Hong Kong for just under 2 weeks. I'm really excited to go.
Tommy got his extension approved the 2nd time around, thanks to help from many faculty and professors on campus. (He started school before the 9 semester rule, so he's in that middle group who was applied the rule, but sometimes have a hard time finishing.) He is double majoring, which isn't grounds for staying another semester, so basically he had to talk about why those classes would help him in his future career. We are just really grateful his appeal (actually, re-appeal) was accepted, and he can graduate in December.
A few minutes ago, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. At first, I thought it was a cockroach. But as I stared at this creature that seems to somehow blend in with the carpet (perhaps the texture), I realized it's a spider. I do not know what kind, but perhaps it's the one that laid egg sacs on our ceiling. I have been staring at it. And it just moved again. I don't usually mind spiders, but this one seems a little creepy to me.
...
Okay, that was an ugly one. After I checked out what it was (and it was bigger than I thought), it crawled away, and across the door. So I opened the door up in attempt to help it go outside. It crawled around and ended up on the cement by the door. So I then opened up the screen, and out it went. I think it did not exactly want to be around me, either. Good bye, spider. I'm glad I did not kill you and that you are outside where you belong. Please don't go into someone else's house, or back into mine. Some people aren't as nice to me.
Speaking of these things, there was a grasshopper head in my dim sum yesterday. I cut it in half to share with Tommy. When I picked up my portion, there was something that fell out. I ate my dim sum, while staring at this thing. I couldn't help but think it looked like a grasshopper head, but that it was probably part of the veggies inside. I really wasn't sure. I picked it up to show Tommy, and then it shot out of my chopsticks and landed by his plate. Then he picked it up and I told him what it reminded me of. He looked at it, and said it was. Frankie and Felicia, who are from Malaysia, were with us, and said it happens quite often there. That was a first for Tommy, who has only seen it in movies/TV shows. It was also a first for me. He called over the waiter and told them. They crossed that off of our bill and also gave us free egg tarts.
I had eaten that piece, and I don't think the body was inside, but it's still a little gross to think that the head was touching stuff that I ate. I tried to tell myself that it was okay since I once voluntarily ate a mealworm in a Bio Lab class in Idaho. (It was fried, salted, and for extra credit. So I did it.) But I think they are a little different. And also, I did it voluntarily, for something.
In my last post, I talked about not going anywhere for Christmas. My dad had a bunch of extra sky miles that he ended up using for plane tickets for us. (I think both of my parents really wanted us there.) It was fun, and I can't believe it's already Easter! I love Easter. I love what it represents and reminds us of. Anyway, 4 months have passed already. January...February...March...and now April is closer to being finished than it is to beginning.
Stacy left on Wednesday morning. She's transferring to Provo. I don't know who I am going to play with this summer. It makes me a little sad she's gone. In some ways it's good, but in a lot of ways, it's just sad. I'm happy for her, though. Getting her to the airport was crazy. She had a ride, but then that person's car broke down and couldn't take her. Tommy came to town that day to get his computer looked at and met up with me after work. We went to Wal-Mart, and then we went to a movie. We BARELY missed the bus after our movie, I think. So we had to wait a really long time and we got home at 10:00 PM. Stacy still had no ride. But a little while later, our neighbor came and offered to let us borrow their car since he had to work. I had to be to work, and Tommy didn't feel comfortable driving, so he went along in the car, but got someone else to drive her. (I rode the bus, because I felt uncomfortable with the possibility of traffic and being late. Especially since we were taking a field trip that day to the Bishop Museum.) I also felt bad, because Stacy had been locked out of our apartment, with no phone, after having gone to the beach. She called me during the movie from a friend's phone, and I didn't answer, but the second time, I knew what had happened, I left, and I called her back. I ended up calling an RA to come open the door. Everything turned out okay, but that poor girl had a hard day and a run for her money.
This story illustrates why I would like to get a car now, because I am tired of these kinds of things happening. Also, I want Tommy especially (but also me) to enjoy the island before we have to go. I don't know when he's going to start grad school, but he's not applying to UH because he cannot get a scholarship there, so it costs too much money. I'm a little sad about that. It's really hard to think about leaving. So I want to make the most of the rest of the time we have, and the bus doesn't go everywhere, and takes a lot of time.
Well, I think I hit the bulk of it. Today, we ended up joining another ward for Sacrament Meeting because the building where we meet was having its floors redone. It was a last minute notice, so we only had Sacrament Meeting, and then went home (the other ward continued everything, but we would have been too much for them to handle). It was funny, because I was supposed to play the piano for Sacrament today, and teach a lesson in Relief Society. I didn't end up needing to do either. I tried to not get annoyed about it, since I had put in a lot of extra preparation, which could have been used for other things. So I prayed that I wouldn't have a bad attitude about it. I ended up telling myself that it was okay because I learned more than I would have had I known I didn't need to do either. This is true. So then I was okay. (Especially since I need more piano practice, and playing the piano today would have been slightly stressful, because it always is. I don't really like playing while people sing- it is a difficult thing to do.)
Happy Easter! I am so grateful that Jesus Christ descended below all so that he could ascend above all, and allow us to be with Him if we follow and obey Him. Just think of the lowest place you've ever been in your life- the darkest. He experienced that, and everything else from everyone. He knows every single person's feelings, as well as the pain from sin. That blows my mind, how much He must have truly hurt (because I think that really helps put it into perspective). He knows. He still followed Father's commandments, and did not "remove the bitter cup." And then He literally rose 3 days later, and broke the bands of death. I am so thankful. And so filled with love toward Him. I'm thankful for everything He did. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ. I feel so joyful and honored to call Him my Brother, for He is! And He lives!
Monday, October 14, 2013
Not Everything in Life Stinks.
Life really stings sometimes. It does. That's true.
Honestly, it's difficult to be a 100% supportive wife when your husband is engulfed in schoolwork, you have a wild commute just because you work quite a distance from home, and you don't really get to see, let alone spend much time with each other. Add to that fact the uncertainty of graduation- whether it will be next August or December...(that's a big time gap, although the uncertainty doesn't bother me quite as much).
When days like that came around, I held onto the fact that it's going to be okay- we're going to have a break together in December and we're going to go to Hong Kong and it's going to be fun. And if we really can't make it to Hong Kong, we can still go to Washington. If we couldn't make it to Hong Kong, maybe we could buy a car instead.
I was thinking very positively about all of this. I tried to infiltrate Tommy with "It's okay if the tickets are a little bit more expensive, because we really need to go." (Tommy didn't really seem very excited about the ticket prices.)
Then, I asked what he REALLY thought, and what his real opinion was. He said he thought the tickets were expensive, but maybe we should go to the temple and pray about it.
So we did.
And I got stung. Because we both thought we should wait- to go to HK and to get a car. I kind of thought that was the answer coming, but I really knew once we got there. That nice little car bit wasn't really even a question for me at the time, but both of us had that feeling, too.
When we got home, I looked at tickets for Seattle, and they were just not worth it. We had missed every golden window of opportunity. Which then stung some more. We decided to just stay here for December. We feel like we need to save our money, especially for this upcoming semester and summer.
(Man, I am ready for summer again.)
I'm not complaining, at least I'm not trying to.
And I keep on trying to remind myself about how much better this year is compared to last- no loans, no difficult work situations, no craziness like that. And I think that is a really big blessing, because if I had to keep doing this year what I had to deal with last year, I would be in a rough situation. Life basically wouldn't really give me much to look forward to at all. At least I still get Christmas break with Tommy- he won't have work, so hopefully we get quality time together, because we deserve it! We will just get to ride the bus everywhere, just like always. I'm really looking forward to that break.
I just had my fall break for a week+today, and I'm sad to go back to school already! Last week went by so quickly! I'm not ready for the real world again! But I'm excited that 2nd quarter is here, because that's the fun time of year, with a holiday or more each month! It seems to go by faster because there are a few more breaks, and spread out a little more. And we have a little over a week of Parent-Teacher Conferences, so we get out early everyday for those! So even though I'm not looking forward to go back to work, I'm excited that at least we can do some fun things. I hope my students have not forgotten everything!
I'm also hopeful that I can transfer closer to home next year. For Tommy's sake, I think it would be great for him to get an internship because he wants one so much, but for my sake I don't really mind either way. I am just looking forward to his graduation.
Honestly, it's difficult to be a 100% supportive wife when your husband is engulfed in schoolwork, you have a wild commute just because you work quite a distance from home, and you don't really get to see, let alone spend much time with each other. Add to that fact the uncertainty of graduation- whether it will be next August or December...(that's a big time gap, although the uncertainty doesn't bother me quite as much).
When days like that came around, I held onto the fact that it's going to be okay- we're going to have a break together in December and we're going to go to Hong Kong and it's going to be fun. And if we really can't make it to Hong Kong, we can still go to Washington. If we couldn't make it to Hong Kong, maybe we could buy a car instead.
I was thinking very positively about all of this. I tried to infiltrate Tommy with "It's okay if the tickets are a little bit more expensive, because we really need to go." (Tommy didn't really seem very excited about the ticket prices.)
Then, I asked what he REALLY thought, and what his real opinion was. He said he thought the tickets were expensive, but maybe we should go to the temple and pray about it.
So we did.
And I got stung. Because we both thought we should wait- to go to HK and to get a car. I kind of thought that was the answer coming, but I really knew once we got there. That nice little car bit wasn't really even a question for me at the time, but both of us had that feeling, too.
When we got home, I looked at tickets for Seattle, and they were just not worth it. We had missed every golden window of opportunity. Which then stung some more. We decided to just stay here for December. We feel like we need to save our money, especially for this upcoming semester and summer.
(Man, I am ready for summer again.)
I'm not complaining, at least I'm not trying to.
And I keep on trying to remind myself about how much better this year is compared to last- no loans, no difficult work situations, no craziness like that. And I think that is a really big blessing, because if I had to keep doing this year what I had to deal with last year, I would be in a rough situation. Life basically wouldn't really give me much to look forward to at all. At least I still get Christmas break with Tommy- he won't have work, so hopefully we get quality time together, because we deserve it! We will just get to ride the bus everywhere, just like always. I'm really looking forward to that break.
I just had my fall break for a week+today, and I'm sad to go back to school already! Last week went by so quickly! I'm not ready for the real world again! But I'm excited that 2nd quarter is here, because that's the fun time of year, with a holiday or more each month! It seems to go by faster because there are a few more breaks, and spread out a little more. And we have a little over a week of Parent-Teacher Conferences, so we get out early everyday for those! So even though I'm not looking forward to go back to work, I'm excited that at least we can do some fun things. I hope my students have not forgotten everything!
I'm also hopeful that I can transfer closer to home next year. For Tommy's sake, I think it would be great for him to get an internship because he wants one so much, but for my sake I don't really mind either way. I am just looking forward to his graduation.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Thanksgiving in July and August
Thanksgiving means "giving thanks." And that's just what I want to do.
I won't go into details, but I had a really rough year last school year, which was my first year teaching.
Life was also busy, and a lot different than I expected: I was busy, I was poor, I was tired, I had to ride the bus all the time, I felt friendless, sometimes I felt like a bad teacher, and at times I would cry a lot. It was slightly pathetic. (That, I promise, is going nowhere into details.) I tried so hard to change things and to change myself and I felt like it wasn't working, but I kept having a feeling (thank you, Holy Ghost), that things would change and get better, even though I had to stick it out then. At that time, I wasn't truly happy, so I couldn't really be happy if I tried. Because I did try. And it felt like it wasn't working. I always prayed to be happy again, and for things to get better. It was just really really hard.
My prayers, my many many prayers, were answered. And oh my goodness, I cannot even explain to what extent they were answered. It kind of even makes me literally want to cry tears of joy because of how blessed I know I am.
And because I pleaded so much, every time something good happens to me, even if it's small, I become extremely happy and say a silent thankful prayer. I am SO thankful for the blessings in my life right now. I'm still riding the bus, I'm still busy, I'm still tired, I'm still relatively poor (but not as much as last year!), I still don't really get to hang out with people a lot, and I haven't cried in a while. So, it seems, not much has changed.
NOT TRUE.
I have felt happy every day I have gone to work this week. And not short spurts of happiness.
It is because Heavenly Father placed some very ....(I'm at a loss for words because there is no word to describe how great of people they are)... some very LOVING people and LOVELY people, who are generous and kind, heartwarming and honest, forthright and inclusionary people into my life, who have made me feel welcomed, important, and loved.
So I can't thank my Heavenly Father enough. I can't thank these people enough. I can't... I just can't. But I'm trying to spread the love. I hope no one ever has to go through what I went through. I am trying to spread the love that I feel to other people and teachers. I hope I can share it with my students and not be or portray the burned-out, frazzled, unhappy, yet I-love-my-students teacher that I was last year. (But the BEAUTIFUL thing about children is how forgiving they are- I am convinced that's what Christ was talking about when he told us to be like little children. "...submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love..." The full of love part. It's BEAUTIFUL if you have experienced anything like that.) --Mosiah 3:19
http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/3.19?lang=eng is the reference in case anyone cared.
So, now, can I please just preach to the world now, just for a second? The world needs love. You show love through service, which can be ANYTHING. Spending time, smiling, saying hi, offering help, including someone, learning about a person, etc. And when I say the world needs love, I DO NOT mean selective love. The world needs to throw that trash out the window and never say hello to it again. You do not need to pick and choose who to love, and who to be nice to. That is crap.
It's not our job. We are all children of God, and I truly believe that. If we are His children, just imagine the potential we have to become. That means we're all sisters and brothers. We are family. We each HAVE to remember that, and DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU. It's called the GOLDEN Rule for a reason. It will turn your heart to gold if you do. I know that sounds cheesy, and I'm sorry, but it is also true, and I'm not sorry for that fact. So please, just for my sake, just to make someone's day better, whether YOU think they need it or not, just be nice, kind, and loving to the next person you have the urge and impulse to do the opposite to. Then reflect on what happens. Please. Just once. It could change their life.
By the way, I am so entirely grateful- inside, outside, from the bottom to the top, through and through my heart- for the miracles that have recently occurred in my life. God works through other people. “God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.”
- Spencer W. Kimball
I promise.
I won't go into details, but I had a really rough year last school year, which was my first year teaching.
Life was also busy, and a lot different than I expected: I was busy, I was poor, I was tired, I had to ride the bus all the time, I felt friendless, sometimes I felt like a bad teacher, and at times I would cry a lot. It was slightly pathetic. (That, I promise, is going nowhere into details.) I tried so hard to change things and to change myself and I felt like it wasn't working, but I kept having a feeling (thank you, Holy Ghost), that things would change and get better, even though I had to stick it out then. At that time, I wasn't truly happy, so I couldn't really be happy if I tried. Because I did try. And it felt like it wasn't working. I always prayed to be happy again, and for things to get better. It was just really really hard.
My prayers, my many many prayers, were answered. And oh my goodness, I cannot even explain to what extent they were answered. It kind of even makes me literally want to cry tears of joy because of how blessed I know I am.
And because I pleaded so much, every time something good happens to me, even if it's small, I become extremely happy and say a silent thankful prayer. I am SO thankful for the blessings in my life right now. I'm still riding the bus, I'm still busy, I'm still tired, I'm still relatively poor (but not as much as last year!), I still don't really get to hang out with people a lot, and I haven't cried in a while. So, it seems, not much has changed.
NOT TRUE.
I have felt happy every day I have gone to work this week. And not short spurts of happiness.
It is because Heavenly Father placed some very ....(I'm at a loss for words because there is no word to describe how great of people they are)... some very LOVING people and LOVELY people, who are generous and kind, heartwarming and honest, forthright and inclusionary people into my life, who have made me feel welcomed, important, and loved.
So I can't thank my Heavenly Father enough. I can't thank these people enough. I can't... I just can't. But I'm trying to spread the love. I hope no one ever has to go through what I went through. I am trying to spread the love that I feel to other people and teachers. I hope I can share it with my students and not be or portray the burned-out, frazzled, unhappy, yet I-love-my-students teacher that I was last year. (But the BEAUTIFUL thing about children is how forgiving they are- I am convinced that's what Christ was talking about when he told us to be like little children. "...submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love..." The full of love part. It's BEAUTIFUL if you have experienced anything like that.) --Mosiah 3:19
http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/3.19?lang=eng is the reference in case anyone cared.
So, now, can I please just preach to the world now, just for a second? The world needs love. You show love through service, which can be ANYTHING. Spending time, smiling, saying hi, offering help, including someone, learning about a person, etc. And when I say the world needs love, I DO NOT mean selective love. The world needs to throw that trash out the window and never say hello to it again. You do not need to pick and choose who to love, and who to be nice to. That is crap.
It's not our job. We are all children of God, and I truly believe that. If we are His children, just imagine the potential we have to become. That means we're all sisters and brothers. We are family. We each HAVE to remember that, and DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU. It's called the GOLDEN Rule for a reason. It will turn your heart to gold if you do. I know that sounds cheesy, and I'm sorry, but it is also true, and I'm not sorry for that fact. So please, just for my sake, just to make someone's day better, whether YOU think they need it or not, just be nice, kind, and loving to the next person you have the urge and impulse to do the opposite to. Then reflect on what happens. Please. Just once. It could change their life.
By the way, I am so entirely grateful- inside, outside, from the bottom to the top, through and through my heart- for the miracles that have recently occurred in my life. God works through other people. “God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.”
- Spencer W. Kimball
I promise.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Marriage Memoir: On Wedding Nights, Trust, and Love
I've been thinking about this post for a while now- about what/how to write it, what I'm going to say, etc. I realized that thinking about it isn't going to make the perfect post, so I'm just going to go ahead and write it. If you don't want to read a personal post, then stop reading.
I hope that as you read this, you will be able to consider things from my point of view instead of taking offense or feeling attacked (which is not my purpose). And, if for any reasons, you have any questions after my reading, go ahead and ask (but watch the talk I linked at the bottom first)!
**I also want you to know that if you find yourself differing from what you are about to read, I most likely do not think you're a bad person. And I'm not even going to define bad person, because that gets really complicated really fast. So I probably still think you're a good person, and so don't worry.**
I've always believed in marriage- that people should get married. I've always been taught about marriage and families. I have been taught and believe in being chaste. That means not having sexual relations outside of marriage and maintaining complete fidelity after marriage. I'm an advocate for marriage, and here's one post of how I advocate. There are numerous studies out there about families and my belief system, but for now, I'm going to leave those out of this, because I want to tell my story, not others'.
Yes, I saved having sexual relations for marriage. Of course, I held hands and kissed- that's fine- I feel like those can be some of the sweetest ways of showing affection. But yes, I did not really do anything more than that before I was married. Was it hard at times? (Yes.) That's not necessarily the right question to ask, though. You should ask if it was worth it.
Was it worth abstaining from sexual relations until marriage? YES!
---> Follow-up question: Why? Why was it worth it?
1. My wedding night was beautiful.
No, it wasn't perfect. No, I didn't know completely what I was doing. Yes, it worked itself out.
I NEVER EVER heard of anything needing to be perfect to be beautiful. (Some people even argue that the imperfections in things are what make them beautiful, although that's not the point I'm trying to make here.)
I made that special, personal memory with only one person, after I was married. My wedding night didn't bring me back to a place of sharing myself with someone else I now regretted or wished for or lost; I am keeping that memory locked with one person, forever. (And please don't be cynical- I am NOT getting a divorce. Trust me. Just do.)
Sharing that part of me that had never been shared with anyone before, and with my now forever husband- that was beautiful.
Our bond grew, our love grew, our marriage grew.
(Plus, what is special about a wedding night when you've already shared sexual intimacy with the other person?)
2. Trust
Have you ever heard and/or used the argument that you should "find out if you're compatible before you actually get married?"
Here's why that is completely and utterly bogus: When it comes down to the very bottom of it, if there is a man and a woman involved, then there is compatibility. DATING is to determine compatibility within a relationship. When people use the former argument, I just hear them saying that they can't put full trust in their relationship. Think about it for a second (or 60, if needed).
(1 Mississippi...)
Basically, if a person trusts their companion, then they will not find it necessary to "make sure" through sexual intercourse. Once you've done that, it's kind of too late- there's been a PRETTY big bond you've just created.
Why not say "I love you" with a promise of full trust until after marriage?
3. Love
Some might ask how I know the following since I have not tested it. (If you're one of those, I guess you could look up studies about it.)
I agree that it is an expression of love. You feel loved, you love the other, etc.
I just want to say that I KNOW I love my husband SO MUCH MORE than I would have if I had not saved myself for marriage; I know myself, and I know that I wouldn't. I know that my human and biological functions are very similar to other humans, especially females of my age, so there is a really big chance right here that most people would love their spouses more if they waited until after marriage.
I never had my heart broken by someone I gave myself away to who left me, and one reason for that is I waited. I did not get pregnant outside of marriage, nor did I have the risk, because I waited. I have some wonderful memories that I hold dear, and a husband who I love so much. I am happier, because I waited, and that's just how it is.
Once again, I hope you did not find offense and were able to look through my lens for a minute or two. If you differ from the points I have made, I would encourage you to try what I have put forth, but PLEASE know that I am not condemning or judging you as a person. If you've made choices (referring to the content of this post, or anything, for that matter) in your past that you regret but have done all you can to make them right, don't get discouraged from what I have written.
These are my beliefs, they're what I have been taught, and they're what I will teach my children. I'm bringing them out into the open, and encouraging you to try.
If you have about 16 minutes, here is a talk about what I believe, and is more eloquent than me. This is probably the best part of my post, so just watch it, please!
I hope that as you read this, you will be able to consider things from my point of view instead of taking offense or feeling attacked (which is not my purpose). And, if for any reasons, you have any questions after my reading, go ahead and ask (but watch the talk I linked at the bottom first)!
**I also want you to know that if you find yourself differing from what you are about to read, I most likely do not think you're a bad person. And I'm not even going to define bad person, because that gets really complicated really fast. So I probably still think you're a good person, and so don't worry.**
I've always believed in marriage- that people should get married. I've always been taught about marriage and families. I have been taught and believe in being chaste. That means not having sexual relations outside of marriage and maintaining complete fidelity after marriage. I'm an advocate for marriage, and here's one post of how I advocate. There are numerous studies out there about families and my belief system, but for now, I'm going to leave those out of this, because I want to tell my story, not others'.
Yes, I saved having sexual relations for marriage. Of course, I held hands and kissed- that's fine- I feel like those can be some of the sweetest ways of showing affection. But yes, I did not really do anything more than that before I was married. Was it hard at times? (Yes.) That's not necessarily the right question to ask, though. You should ask if it was worth it.
Was it worth abstaining from sexual relations until marriage? YES!
---> Follow-up question: Why? Why was it worth it?
1. My wedding night was beautiful.
No, it wasn't perfect. No, I didn't know completely what I was doing. Yes, it worked itself out.
I NEVER EVER heard of anything needing to be perfect to be beautiful. (Some people even argue that the imperfections in things are what make them beautiful, although that's not the point I'm trying to make here.)
I made that special, personal memory with only one person, after I was married. My wedding night didn't bring me back to a place of sharing myself with someone else I now regretted or wished for or lost; I am keeping that memory locked with one person, forever. (And please don't be cynical- I am NOT getting a divorce. Trust me. Just do.)
Sharing that part of me that had never been shared with anyone before, and with my now forever husband- that was beautiful.
Our bond grew, our love grew, our marriage grew.
(Plus, what is special about a wedding night when you've already shared sexual intimacy with the other person?)
2. Trust
Have you ever heard and/or used the argument that you should "find out if you're compatible before you actually get married?"
Here's why that is completely and utterly bogus: When it comes down to the very bottom of it, if there is a man and a woman involved, then there is compatibility. DATING is to determine compatibility within a relationship. When people use the former argument, I just hear them saying that they can't put full trust in their relationship. Think about it for a second (or 60, if needed).
(1 Mississippi...)
Basically, if a person trusts their companion, then they will not find it necessary to "make sure" through sexual intercourse. Once you've done that, it's kind of too late- there's been a PRETTY big bond you've just created.
Why not say "I love you" with a promise of full trust until after marriage?
3. Love
Some might ask how I know the following since I have not tested it. (If you're one of those, I guess you could look up studies about it.)
I agree that it is an expression of love. You feel loved, you love the other, etc.
I just want to say that I KNOW I love my husband SO MUCH MORE than I would have if I had not saved myself for marriage; I know myself, and I know that I wouldn't. I know that my human and biological functions are very similar to other humans, especially females of my age, so there is a really big chance right here that most people would love their spouses more if they waited until after marriage.
I never had my heart broken by someone I gave myself away to who left me, and one reason for that is I waited. I did not get pregnant outside of marriage, nor did I have the risk, because I waited. I have some wonderful memories that I hold dear, and a husband who I love so much. I am happier, because I waited, and that's just how it is.
Once again, I hope you did not find offense and were able to look through my lens for a minute or two. If you differ from the points I have made, I would encourage you to try what I have put forth, but PLEASE know that I am not condemning or judging you as a person. If you've made choices (referring to the content of this post, or anything, for that matter) in your past that you regret but have done all you can to make them right, don't get discouraged from what I have written.
These are my beliefs, they're what I have been taught, and they're what I will teach my children. I'm bringing them out into the open, and encouraging you to try.
If you have about 16 minutes, here is a talk about what I believe, and is more eloquent than me. This is probably the best part of my post, so just watch it, please!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
School
My students (and I) get out of school in 4 more weeks. I don't care about the bus ride to and from work hardly as much as I care about not having to leave home, or be gone ALL day (plus a little more), or be at work dealing with things, or wake up at 4:30, or....
(Hey, it means I only have to buy one more bus pass for a while, too!)
However, I feel like these last 4 weeks are going to be a bumpy ride, and slightly unenjoyable in a few work-related areas.
But, the fact that it's only 4 more weeks and I have a BREAK is one of the only things I am able to hold onto right now. And I am very excited about it. Because I am really starting to lose it and I could use a little bit of sanity in my life. (Not that I'll get much more by NOT being far away from home all day, but I think I will get at least SOME restored, since I'm not going to have to worry about taking care of 19 different 7 and 8 year olds.)
(Hey, it means I only have to buy one more bus pass for a while, too!)
However, I feel like these last 4 weeks are going to be a bumpy ride, and slightly unenjoyable in a few work-related areas.
But, the fact that it's only 4 more weeks and I have a BREAK is one of the only things I am able to hold onto right now. And I am very excited about it. Because I am really starting to lose it and I could use a little bit of sanity in my life. (Not that I'll get much more by NOT being far away from home all day, but I think I will get at least SOME restored, since I'm not going to have to worry about taking care of 19 different 7 and 8 year olds.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)