Yes, that's right. The world's reasons for not getting married "young" are fairly bogus. At least most of them. (Disclaimer: There is "young" and then there is "too young." I'm not going to tell you where I draw the line, but there is a definite line.)
*+*Shoutout to those who were not married young at the end of this post!*+*
At 22, about a month away from 23, I got married. By world standards, that's pretty young. Even now, looking back, I think "Whoa, that WAS a little young." But you know what? I didn't feel "young." Amongst other big experiences in life, I was already graduated from college. A fresh graduate, yes, but a graduate nonetheless. I felt ready for life and that's what mattered.
I hear lots of reasons for why people don't want to get married until they're at least _____ (fill in the blank). Traveling, career, not achieving important goals, the need to play the field so you know exactly who's and what's right for you, finances, etc. You get the idea. Well, I'll tell you firsthand why all of those things are baloney.
Let's start with career and goals, as this next statement covers a lot of ground: If you're marrying someone who is impeding your dreams, then you should probably think twice about marrying that person. Marriage is all about sacrifice, but sacrifice isn't a bad word. Sacrifice also shouldn't be coming from just one partner. When you're married, there may very well be times when you have to sacrifice a career development or goal, but it's for the betterment of your family. Becoming a better person is more important than climbing society's view of the ladder of success. I would rather sacrifice a few things that help my family in the long run than be selfish. (Career building is not necessarily selfish, either. Please don't use that as a takeaway.) Marrying young doesn't equal never achieving dreams or success. It also doesn't equal not being able to find a companion who supports these. I found one who lets me do my dreams. Guess what? I let him do his dreams, too. And we even do some dreams together.
The next topic I shall briefly cover is "playing the field." There's probably a better term that fits what I'm trying to say, but I'm not as linguistically apt as my older brother, and I'm okay with that, so we've just gotta deal with it. Um, last time I checked, I knew what I wanted LONG before I ever got married, or even started dating my now husband. I'm pretty sure most twenty-somethings know what they want. So that excuse flew out the window before it was even completely spoken. The reason why I stuck out dating with Mr. Wong is because he had those attributes and more. And I just read a stupid article stating that marriage stops your development in a way. (It was completely opinion based-no sciences were quoted.) WRONG. It can develop you more, if you let it. Two heads to solve a problem is better than one. (Also, see above. If the person is stopping you from developing, then that can potentially be a problem.) . Moving on... If you love the person you're with, and that person generally has it together, then I don't think it's necessary to go fishing to see what else is out there. "Choose your love, love your choice." (That quote has nothing to do with age.) Newsflash: There is NO perfect spouse. There is no soulmate. If you have someone in your life (girlfriend/boyfriend) that you know well and love, then build a life with them!
Financial stability... This topic is a little trickier than most. As I said, I was a fresh graduate when I got married. Tommy went to school later than the traditional student, so his first year was my last. I had a little bit of student debt and no job lined up when we were married. But things worked out in our favor (I got a job and other such things), and I think this was because we made a choice and went with it. Now, if you don't have the means to support a family (you+one AT LEAST), then that makes more of a problem. But if you plus your lover make enough to support your life together, then don't worry about the "what-ifs."
I saved the best for last. Traveling. I love traveling. While I was single, I was saving up for a trip that I could go on as my post-graduation trip. I was planning on Hong Kong and maybe one or two extra places. And I figured once I started working as a professional, I would be able to save up and go somewhere every couple of years. Well, I got married right after I graduated. The money I saved up? It paid for a 5 day honeymoon. We flew there, rented a car, stayed in a condo, etc. Don't tell me that's not traveling! ;) That Christmas, my mom wanted us to be together, so she paid for us to come to Washington. During that break, Tommy, some of my sisters, and I drove to Canada and had a day trip there. Two years later, we were in Hong Kong for two weeks. We had a long layover in Japan, so we visited Japan, too. A year and a few months later, we were back in good old Hong Kong. Had a long layover in Korea this time, so we visited Korea for a day. I am NOT trying to brag to you or anyone else about my world travels. I am simply refuting the point that traveling is impossible once you're married. I've traveled more since I've been married. (And planning on more trips, as I type.) Traveling is possible as a married individual. It is also really fun to travel with your spouse. Experiencing new things together, or watching your spouse experience something new to him/her is a priceless feeling. It's also great for your relationship.
Now, to the married-laters and unmarrieds in life, YOU'RE NOT BROKEN!!!!! (Well, at least probably not.) I love and know plenty of people in similar situations, and I think all of them are great. They are also contributing members of society. So, I just want to say to you guys, you do you. And keep doing you. Maybe you'll find the cracker to your cheese, and maybe you won't. But all-in-all, marriage isn't what makes us important or not important. Marriage doesn't and shouldn't define our worth. Ignore those people (as best as you can, I know it's hard) who make comments about your non-existent marriage/love life/ dating life, because I'm sitting here thinking of a few of you that I really admire, and I know those comments are just comments. I know how awesome you are and wish I were that awesome myself. You've done hard things in life and you did them by yourself or with the support of friends and family, but without a spouse. And that's pretty applaudable.
To the people telling others to not get married young/have kids/not have kids/ not get married at all, just please stop. It's obnoxious. We're not mad, but now you know. (Why I'm writing this, I do not know, as those people are probably never going to read this. Haha. Oh well. I can amuse myself if I want to.)
Whoever wrote that marriage stops your progress must have seen a lot of bad marriages. As long as two people have a desire to work out problems and truly support each other, marriage IS growth. Actually, even a bad marriage has potential for growth. We're always growing, learning, and changing, whether we like it or not. It sometimes may appear that change has stopped, or we might regress if we're fighting growth.
ReplyDeleteAs for as 20-somethings knowing what they want... I see what you mean, in a way. They have a general idea of what they want, and usually that's enough. We really can't know COMPLETELY what we want, though. The same goes for a career or whatever you want to do in life. Sometimes you have to just have faith and jump in when it feels right.
Travel DOES become a little tricky once you have kids, but I know plenty of people who do it. As far as having kids is concerned, I don't understand why people intentionally put it off for careers, traveling, etc. Life happens. After this life is over you probably won't really care how much money you had, how high you climbed socially, how many cool places you visited. No one else will care, either. They'll care about the difference you made. I personally feel that the biggest way I can make a difference in the world is through building up the generation of tomorrow.
...Well... that was a long comment. :P