Life, I guess

Remember in my last post how I talked about my journal, and how it's easier? Well, I haven't written in it for a while. A long time. I don't really know why. And I'm not really sure how to get myself to start again. I don't necessarily think the root or stem of the problem is laziness to write (although that might be a "leaf" if we're talking plant metaphors here). I don't know. I want to treasure life as I have it now. I also know that if I wrote down all my blessings everyday, I'd be a lot happier. I haven't been as happy as I've wanted to be...probably since my birthday. Or before that.
I didn't even have a clue how attached to my journal I really was. When I lost it and tried everything I could to get it back, I was left devastated each time nothing worked. I've often thought to myself about how I feel like I lost part of myself when I lost that journal. those months, February through August, were a HUGE shaping point of my life, because SO MUCH happened. I still struggle with it sometimes. My lovely husband could even tell just now (while doing his hw), that I was having a bit of a hard time, so he made sure I was okay- twice. One day I told him that I don't know when I'll be okay, but I know I will be okay (regarding my journal). He told me that was a big step from where I first started. I'm obviously still not there yet, otherwise I'd be totally up to write everyday.
At the end of 2012 and beginning of 2013, I just kept thinking about how 2012 was the HARDEST year of my life. But then I realized, it was also the best year of my life as well. At that point, I came to the conclusion that if we're going to get big blessings, we're going to get big trials. Also, if we're going to get big trials, we're going to get big blessings.
Life is getting better, but only because I've been exerting a lot of energy into helping myself have a good attitude. Having a good attitude used to come so naturally to me, but like I said, 2012 was hard, and it really did beat me down a little. I got tired of being at that place, so I'm trying to take matters into my hands to be happy. I'm still working on it. Since I'm graduated and have a career, but live in married student housing, I'm in a tough position. I don't really feel like I have that many friends, and I live nowhere near any of my coworkers (who are all married and have children and stuff like that). It's easy to feel alone. Not to mention the fact that I NEED social interaction to keep myself happy. That's one struggle I have, because my schedule and life situation aren't very conducive to making friends with a lot of people.


On another note, I have been thinking about something lately (the past few months or weeks):
I've been thinking about how people tell others that there's someone who is always worse off or has worse problems than they have, and then their problems don't seem so bad. While I don't exactly want to thoroughly discredit this idea, OUR problems are OUR problems, which makes them feel incredibly real for ourselves. Sometimes, it seems like if we compare our problems to someone else's, ours aren't so bad. BUT,  this cannot exactly hold true. It can't hold true because the types of problems we experience wouldn't actually be an issue to that other person, or their problems would be too much for us to bear and/or handle, so we meet face-to-face with challenges that are meant for US, and are not to be compared. Example: Suppose a close relative died. "Compare" that to me "just" losing part of my journal. Seems like no big deal against coping with family loss. But it was HUGE to me!) Problems weren't meant to be compared. They were meant to be dealt with.

Good things are coming my way: David Choi concert next Saturday, Matthew and Amanda are getting married in less than a month, and I'm going to bed now!